i purr and you don't (xxallicatxx) wrote, @ 2003-06-23 15:26:00

Current mood:	depressed
Current music:	staind - for you

dammit. apologies for my long entry.
this is a depressing entry. and lots of swearing. if you dont feel like reading my sad and rather poopy entry, just dont. ill love you anyways.
im so sick of living here. i cant stand it. all i can do when im here is sit in my room. i never go into my house. im always in my room, away from them. they make my life hell. i walk through my house and notice what a shithole it is. my family is just sick people.
this morning my brother picked me up from my friends house without even calling first. then he expected me to be outside when he got there. how the fuck was i supposed to know? i wasnt even fucking AWAKE yet. and then he takes me home, where i hate to be, and my moms bitching starts. I CANT STAND THIS PLACE ANYMORE. i realllly cant. im not a depressed kid looking for some way out, i just need to be happier then this. and i cant being around them. unless they stop this madness.
So this is what just happened...mickey comes over, she wants to go on a walk with me, and i wanna go with her...so i was gunna get dressed but i was trying to help my friend with a problem so i thought mickey could come in and wait for me to get dressed or whatever. so the doorbell rings and before i can get it my mom answers it and screams "WHAT!?" or "WHAT DO YOU WANT" or something like that to mickey. and then starts telling her why shes upset and starts crap talking me, bullshitting the whole story. poor mickey is down there just like confused, because she didnt do anything wrong. why does one of my bestfriends deserve that? NONE OF MY FRIENDS DESERVED TO BE YELLED AT, ESPECIALLY MICKEY. So she comes upstairs and then my mom YELLS at me again for some shit. and by then i just cant take her crap so i just like fall over on my bed and mickey decides she should go which was probly the best idea because i didnt want her to see me get all emotional and stuff. so she goes outside and my mom "apologizes" to her or whatever. and my mom wanted me to come outside and stuff. i dunno why i wouldnt. i just refused, because i was embarrassed. my mom full-blown embarrassed me in the worst way possible. and im so sorry mickey for acting like that. i just felt weird since you saw my mom act like that. and me react. thats not even as bad as it usually is. i was going to help her, but she told me not to bc i would get in the way. then she yells and me and you because i wouldnt help her? what is wrong with her?
I know why my first days of summer have been going so great. not only because ive been hanging around awesome, awesome people...but because ive been away from home. away from them.
I cant figure out what to do. Family counseling doesnt work. talking to them doesnt work, nothing gets through to them.
All i can do is confide in my journal and close friends. one of my bestfriends told me "sure its nice to talk to us, and confide in us, because we do care, we care more then anything, but theres just so much we can do about the situation. we cant just be like 'stop alli's family!'"...i totally understand that.
me and my moms relationship is so weird. sometimes(well, on occasion) we will act like the best of friends. then the rest of the times she has these psycho episodes and bitchfests...or shes fighting with my dad(most of the time) and yelling at my brother the others. grr.
for now, ill just try to be away as much as possible, and ill sleep outside.
i love you all. and mickey, thanks for putting up with it.
bye

im sorry alli funketize_me88 2003-06-23 16:09 (link)

im sorry that things aren't going well at your home. If you want, me and you will camp out EVERY NIGHT until i leave. I wish there was more that i could do... =(. You dont deserve to be so down. You are a great person. You didn't have to feel embarresed today, people have bad days, you can't control that. I'm sorry i left, i thought you wanted to be alone. if seemed that your mom thought you needed to be with someone, i dont know, its your call. I wish i could cheer you up. Don't be embarrased for her, live your life like nobody is watching, you shouldn't worry about anything that would embarress you. nothing could make me think badly of you. i love yas. mickey. (Reply to this) (Thread)

Re: im sorry alli xxallicatxx 2003-06-23 19:48 (link)

aw if i had enough energy id totally run over to your house and give you a big hug! i appreciate that alot. its hard to be happy here...but ill try my best... sorry i wouldnt come outside, i just didnt wanna go and be around her. shed be like "its okay alli! im sorry i embarrassed you! its okay she can know our problems!" its like SHUT THE FUCK UP MOM ya know? just like at the pool she like put our personal family problems on shout, matt felt really sorry for me. grr. shes kissing my ass though right now lol but still, i dont think much can change it. thanks for being such a GREAT friend mickey : ) i love you! --alli-- (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	fallen_angel87 2003-06-23 16:25 (link)
	alli! be happy ur greatnes. im sorry about ur mommy being mean to u! im here if u need to talk... dont worry, be happy:) im sorry family is evil!!! we should hang out with diana alot this summer!!! <> julia (Reply to this) (Thread)

	xxallicatxx 2003-06-23 19:53 (link)
	thanks jewels : ) your a great friend. yes i look foward to hanging out with you guys! thanks again!!! i love u! --alli-- (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

(Reply from suspended user)

xxallicatxx 2003-06-23 19:59 (link)

aw thanks laur that would be awesome to camp out all summer long hehehe your right, it does work to hide away from it. since there is practically nothing else i can do...thats the only option i have. and when im away, i dont see what goes on here. but that whole thing today just really upset me. i guess i need to go through things like this to become stronger in the long run. thanks again, yous da bestest! ;] i love yewwwwww --alli-- (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)