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xunashamedx (xunashamedx) wrote,
@ 2005-01-23 01:16:00
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    Current mood: lonely
    Current music:112 ft. Ciara "If I Hit" Remix

    Well I can't sleep...I really don't want to ..I keep waitin for Em to get online...he hasnot been on for days...and I dunno whats up with him...I feel like he is ignoring me for some odd reason...we had quit talkin but we had remained friends...but I miss him so damn much I dunno what to do...I have tried callin him, but I can never get through. I quit talkin to him b/c I was fallin in love with him. I am not ready for that...I just got divorced a year ago, but I do get lonely... I am still in love with my ex-husband..... my life is so shitty right now....has been for the past 5 yrs.( mom and dad divorced..I got pregnant cheated on....divorced..all alone now)but I find myself so confused over Em....he is so diff from me,but he is a good guy...matter of fact a great guy...but it seems like us girls always wants the crappy guys and the good guys mean nothing.I am so cold hearted anymore. I do use guys....not for money..I never ask them to buy me anything...but I do play around with thier feelings..but I am tired of bein shit I guess that I am shittin on every guy that comes along my way and not meanin to. I just can't stand someone clinging to me or followin me everywhere I go.....but sometimes I find myself thinkin that I love all is crazy....I want to talk to him so bad...I need him :(

    But anyways.... I have made 1 friend on here so thats good..hopefully she can help me out with this thing..I figured some stuff out ...this lil thing can be so confusing if u have no idea wtf u are done laundry all day today at my moms and chilled a lil bit with my sis. I have got to get my babys b-day party planned out. It is gettin closer and closer...she is growin up so damn fast....she will be 5 in a month and a half...ahh work is goin ok..I guess....I just hate those damn trainings that they make us go on....ugh......I have to stay away from home 2 days this comin week...I will tv...nothin but a damn bathroom and bed in our rooms. I hope it gets cancelled b/c of the snow. YAY I LOVE the SNOW....b/c it gets me out of started to go clubbin tonight with my best friend but the roads where way to bad, and besides I am bills are eatin me up alive. I love the quotes that everyone puts on "hella_quotes" they are so awesome and everyone does a really great job by making some up. I get tired of goin to these quote sites where every damn thing is the same. Well not at that place. It rocks. Well I am out later!!!!!!!!!!!

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*Angels fall without you there*
2005-01-23 02:53 (link)
I was just reading your journal, and decided to give you a “comment”.
I’m sorry to hear about your divorce, I know those things can never be easy - no matter how “mutual” start out to be.
I’m pretty sure you’ll hate men for a while, how can you not? They’re really aren’t a lot of good ones out there and even then they’re flawed. but just because you start falling in love doesn’t mean you have to marry them or you don’t have the capabilities to actually choose if you want them in your life or not.
You have nothing but the power, so don’t worry about Em, I’m sure he’s just getting away from the memories for a while. But I would think you owe it to him and yourself if you have feelings to tell him that. If your aren’t then don’t worry.
Eventually someone will come along you’ll want to be with, the scary part is if you keep holding on to your ex then you’re cheating yourself out of a more fulfilling relationship.

And good luck with you little girls birthday. My son just turned one, and I haven’t even lost the weight I gained from him! They do grow up fast, my grandmother would always say “You should tie a brick to his head”.

But I’m sure that would have just caused some gross deformity.

Have a peaceful night
Love ya
<3~ Ash

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Re: *Angels fall without you there*
2005-01-23 03:30 (link)
Aww thank u soo much for commenting. I am glad to know that ppl are reading this thing...I have to let this out of me somehow and i don't mean to bore just have to vent. Yes I am cheating myself out on alot of happiness and i am trytin to do better...butthings are so fresh and it is so hard still yet...


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Shelter from the Storm
2005-01-24 01:12 (link)
People are always reading, and I, myself, have met some great people threw Blurty. And I got a lot of my friends on to it. So that way it’s easy to keep up with them, I can just read what they wrote for the day - and comment, so they know I’m listening and I’m there for them.
So keep posting, and it doesn’t matter what you say, b/c I’m sure on some entries I have I sound like a raving bitch, which is *usually* not the case.

Sweet Dreams
<3~ Ash

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