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<33*manda (xshawtisar) wrote,
@ 2003-09-13 11:39:00
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    on wednesday night i called drew.. cuz..i dont no. i missed him. god knows why. we went out for almost 2 months but we NEVER had a good relationship. it was always kinda.. off? idk but i miss him sooooo much. he was being so incredibly sweet..which wus weird cuz during the whole time we were going out he only said 'i love you' ONCE. after like..5 weeks. and that was once. but wednesday night on the phone he was like "manda u have no idea how much i love you" ugh i hate how he was so sweet<3 lol. this is soo fuckin hard bc i want him yet he was ALL wrong for me. yet i have this INCREDIBLY AMAZING AND SWEET AND HOT guy (shawn) that likes me soo much, yet i dont feel anything for him. well i guess i kinda do but not so much. ughhh. i hate this!! i WANT to like shawn and not drew but i cant. i wanted to get to no shawn better soo..friday shawn asked me to come over again. and i went..

    it was soo much fun. all we did was hook up/make up but it was alot of fun cuz we did other stuff too. he has air hockey so we played like a million rounds of that haha. i kept laughing like crazy.. hes soo funny. yet i feel like i just wana be best friends with him. i dont know!!!! i CANT go back to drew.. he was SOOO wrong for me. ugh ugh ughh i hate myself. hhah. but back to my night with shawn.. umm. we then went into his backyard on his tennis court (DID I EVER MENTION HOW RICH HE WAS???) haha. played sum tennis but i sucked and it was too cold so we went back inside. he "warmed me up" haha by holding me :-/ he was being really cute and then that was the time the hooked up hah. then we made up sum trivia game or w/e just so we could ask eachother questions to get to no eachother really well. hes sooooo amazing. ugh i want to be attracted to him soo badly! but im not .. well.. KINDA!! uuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuugh my fucking heart! lol.

    today (saturday) during the day i went to the walt whitman mall with mic, jackie, sam, derek, and alex. for the most part, it was us all walking around but sometimes mic and alex paired off and jackie and derek paired off and then it was me and samantha. the only 2 girls without guys there.. but whatver i had fun. bought 2 shirts.. then tonight.. me mic jackie samantha and sarah went to assandras house. smoked..drank..yeah it was fun.. but its liek almost midnight now and im already home..which is fuckin sad! but shawn just called me and were talking now. he likes me..alot.. and hes soooooooooooooo hot. like seriously right out of an abercrombie magazine haha but maybe hes just TOO GOOD FOR ME?! ugh i dont know.

    i hope my heart dies. haha umm..not possible?! whatever im going to talk to shawn on the phone! nite

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2003-09-14 01:35 (link)
dont go back to drew! cause that probably wont work out. GOOO FOR SHAWN! he sounds amazing + hot

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2003-09-14 15:28 (link)
you and shawn seem sooooooo incredibly cute! you have to get attracted to him lol. go for shawn definately!
hope everything works out xoxo~emily

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2003-09-16 18:35 (link)
ummm i need to talk to u about this. im me! i love you!

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