MaMi_sOiNlOvEwItCjR (xox_lostinlove) wrote, @ 2004-07-09 12:02:00

Current mood:	drained
Current music:	-s0uthside- by ashanti & ll0yd

mami s0 fuqqed up...


UPS downs UPS downs.... im 0n this danG r0llerc0aster called life. and it seems like i am sl0wly fadinG away with each sec0nd. where is my escape, can y0u help me? i read this qu0te s0mewhere... "i still can't decide if im dead 0r just n0t alive... i want t0 keep breathinG, just n0t in my 0wn skin" and that is h0w i feel s0metimes y0. im s0 l0st y0... im s0 fuqqed up in my life!! mami G0tta anGer manaGement pr0blem, G0t bip0lar I dis0rder/manic depressi0n, s0metimes mami g0t s0me 0CD crap, cries 24/7 because 0f the depressi0n, s0metimes fatiGue, sickness fr0m stress ~~~/> miGraines, breathinG pr0blems, weakness, dizzyness <\~~~ d0nt kn0w what t0 d0 anym0re... i cant st0p it anym0re, cant Get it t0 G0 away. but i g0t my l0ve s0 i am happy. but even when i am happy, 0n the inside, in the back 0f my mind, that depressed me, th0se tears, that sadness, the anGer, it all lurks riGht there, waitinG f0r the riGht m0ment t0 unleash itself. this is an idea 0f what im G0inG thr0uGh...




Manic symptoms




• Elevated mood and irritability
  
• Inflated self-esteem or grandiosity
  
• Decreased need for sleep
  
• Easily distracted
  
• Destructive outbursts
  
• Racing speech and pressure to keep talking
  
• Increased energy, motor and mental activity—hyperactivity
  
• Excessive involvement in multiple projects, especially pleasurable but risky activities
  
• Poor judgment



Depressive symptoms




• Sad mood or crying spells
  
• Diminished interest or pleasure in almost all activities
  
• Sleeping too much or inability to sleep
  
• Agitation and irritability
  
• Fatigue or decreased energy level
  
• Drop in grades and inability to think and concentrate
  
• Feelings of worthlessness or guilt
  
• Significant change in appetite, weight loss or weight gain



d0 y0u see?!... that sucks! and it is drivinG me crazy and i kn0w that it's makinG me hard t0 deal with and t0 th0se that d0 put up with me... especially christian, thank y0u s0 much. because i need yall 0r i'd fuqqin die!!




well, i have a little anal0gy t0 sh0w y0u h0w i have my happiness. this is what i was tellinG my little sister-n-law (my man's lil sister)......




<3 my life is like an h0urGlass that has been tipped 0ver 0n its side. 0n 0ne side, y0u've G0t me. full 0f depressed ish and sadness, and just pure pain. and then 0n the 0ther side, you've G0t happiness, and enj0yment. and then that middle passaGeway that y0u have t0 travel thr0uGh is christian. my triGGer 0f happiness. as y0u can see... i can n0t Get t0 entire happiness with0ut havinG christian by my side. and i d0 have him, s0 i am GettinG there. i c0uld never be with0ut him because i l0ve him s0000 much, tu sabes? he is my heart, my w0rld. everythinG that matters t0 me. with0ut him, there is n0 happiness. well, i am 0utties n0w s0 h0lla at me, aiiGht? bye. <3 lauriell