| Current mood: |  worried |
| Current music: | Sorry for 2004 |
All alone
Have you ever been surrounded by people who you love & still feel all by yourself? I am so lost as 2 what I'm supposed 2 do n*emore!!!! Last night I went 2 the movies with Heather Brittain Jourdan & David & shit was all good 4 awhile. We went 2 c secret window it was alright... basically about a complete pyscho lol! After the movie David got sooo mad @ me cauz I couldn't get a hold of my mom so we start fighting & then he walks away & I had Heather chase him down because I had 2 piss like sooo bad & I was real upset w/ him 4 yelling!! & I don't know what 2 do n*emore... I couldn't stop crying I hurt so bad deep inside I could feel it all the way down in my heart. I just can't stand it when he acts like he doesn't care I am so scared because I love him so much & I don't want him 2 hurt me n*emore! When I kept crying & telling him please it made me think of Austin, I always used to beg him 2 please stop yelling & hurting me!
I called my mom @ least 50 times last night & nobody would pick up & bernie wasnt answering his cell phone! Chris wouldn't let somebody stay the night so basically I was stuck getting a hold of my mom if I wanted 2 sleep! Then David offered 2 let me stay @ his house & I should've known it was wrong but I needed 2 get 2 bed & I mean he kept telling me it was ok so I just went. I mean I think it's so fucking stupid his step mom is gonna get mad at us 4 it! He was only being nice cauz I couldn't get a hold of my house! When I got there nobody was still picking up so I called my grandparents & asked if they had heard from them... they drove over there 2 find out that the ringer was off! Joni thinks I purposely fucking shut it off!!! I wouldn't have freaked out & called my grandpa who was lung cancer at 1 in the morning if I did it DAMN!!
In the car me & my mom got into a huge fight & I told her I hated her & I was going 2 run away so now she doesn't even want me living here n*emore & I'm so sick of being around ppl who hate me I'm just about ready 2 be done w/ everybody who doesnt care!!!! I have an appointment w/ my lawyer on Monday & I have a good feeling hes going 2 kick me out & send me 2 court cauz I skipped school & my mom will tell him I threatened 2 leave! She told me she was going 2 keep me from David!
I feel soooo alone! I can't stop crying even right now I just want my sweet Dave back I can't stand the way we fight n*emore it hurts so bad! I wish we could just shut the fuck up & not get so mad but we're both so stubborn & I feel like he's drifiting away from me... like we don't have the same good relationship we used 2 have & I don't want that 2 happen I just want my baby back! This hurts so bad it's killing me inside I feel like shit cauz I didn't take my medicine last night & I tried 2 call him & he can't talk 2 me cauz hes folding clothes! Everybody keeps telling me I should just fuck it & go out w/ Peter but I CANT I only want 2 be with David I love him more than n*ething in the world & honestly I dont give a fuck if peter likes me cauz I dont have those kind of feelings 4 him! I just want things 2 change.. I wish I could show him how deep he hurts me!! Well I am going 2 go cauz I wanna call John...
~*~Ashley
"Every tear drop breaks my heart, don't make me cry you'll tear me apart"
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