Willa Ford (xo_willa) wrote, @ 2003-08-06 09:09:00

Current mood:

crushed

*slowly opens my swollen eyes to see chris next to me in bed. sighs knowing i must've kept him up as i cried in my sleep for most of the night. turns to see the bassinet moving slightly, knowing he brought Lily into the room at some point in the night. I must've exhausted myself to the point of not even hearing her cry. Slowly slips of out his arms and out of bed, picking her up out of the bassinet and bringing her back to bed with us afraid to look at her face. Closes my eyes just holding her against me, finally looking in her eyes when I hear her gurgle happily. Everything from the past week and the night before comes rushing back to me. The car horn. The fireworks. The hospital. Words I never thought I'd hear. The silent ride home. The glass shattering against the wall. Before I even realize what I'm doing I've put her back in the bassinet and made a run for the bathroom making it just in time as I start vomiting into the toilet. Closes the lid to the toilet once I've finally finished and collapses into another fit of tears sitting on the bathroom floor.*

	chriskeeto 2003-08-06 12:33 (link)
	*opens my eyes and sees the empty bed beside me. sits up at the same time hearing you in the bathroom. gets up and moves quickly over, kneeling then sitting next to you and gathering you up into my arms* (Reply to this) (Thread)

	xo_willa 2003-08-06 12:34 (link)
	*sobs into your chest clinging tightly to you* i'm sorry. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	chriskeeto 2003-08-06 12:46 (link)
	*hugs you tightly and rubs your back, closing my eyes and kissing your temple* you have nothing to be sorry for babygirl.. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	xo_willa 2003-08-06 13:19 (link)
	*slowly stops crying wiping my cheeks* I couldn't even look at her Chris. I looked in her eyes and it was too much. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	chriskeeto 2003-08-06 13:28 (link)
	*carefully brushes some hair behind your ear* she's still our little girl mandah. she's still lily..we're going to get through this.. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	xo_willa 2003-08-06 13:45 (link)
	I know baby and that's why it hurts so much. I don't want people to be mean to her. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	chriskeeto 2003-08-06 13:49 (link)
	*nods* i know...we'll protect her as best we can though and i'll get my shotgun nice and clean, in good working order, ok? (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	xo_willa 2003-08-06 14:21 (link)
	*sighs giving you a soft smile then standing up off the floor rinsing my mouth out and going back to the bedroom getting lily out of the bassinet and sitting on the bed to feed her rubbing her back lightly* can i still talk to you baby? Can I still sing to you? (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	chriskeeto 2003-08-06 14:26 (link)
	*follows you out and sits next to you, looking down at her wide, curious eyes* i remember from somewhere that they can. feel? like. vibrations from sound or something. i mean, beethoven still wrote music and stuff.. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	xo_willa 2003-08-06 14:44 (link)
	*watches her as she looks around as she eats* are you still going to be mamas ballerina? miss america was deaf and she was a ballerina. *rubs her back softly* So you can be miss america too if you want. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	chriskeeto 2003-08-06 14:51 (link)
	*leans over to kiss her head gently* you can be anything you want to be angel. and i'm still chasing off the boys with my gun and keeping you all to myself until you're 35, don't think you're gettin' away that easy (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	xo_willa 2003-08-06 14:55 (link)
	*hugs her close to me over my shoulder as i burp her* maybe i should call the community college and see if there is a sign language class we can take. Or maybe go to the book store and see if there is a video we can get or something. We don't want to be learning at the same time as her because chances are she'll pick it up faster than we will. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	chriskeeto 2003-08-06 14:59 (link)
	*nods* i was thinking we should go to the bookstore today. and i figured that number the doctor gave us...they must know something about classes (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	xo_willa 2003-08-06 15:05 (link)
	Maybe we should call today. *sighs* and I think I'm gonna call the um, therapist, and see if she'll make the next appointment a little longer than its supposed to. I want to talk to her when she comes. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	chriskeeto 2003-08-06 15:12 (link)
	*nods, running my fingers through your hair* when is she coming? (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	xo_willa 2003-08-06 15:15 (link)
	Saturday afternoon. It was the only time she could come to the house. I told her I didn't want us to have to go into the office. It's too uncomfortable for us. So she said she would come to the house as long as her schedule allowed. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	chriskeeto 2003-08-06 15:17 (link)
	*kisses your temple* thank you baby, you read my mind (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	xo_willa 2003-08-06 15:20 (link)
	I didn't like being in there. Its our business if we want to go see someone, I dont want the whole world to know and if we have to go in there the whole world will know. *kisses you* I was thinking today maybe we could try and work on Christopher and his walking. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	chriskeeto 2003-08-06 15:29 (link)
	*kisses you back and gives you a small smile, nodding* ok (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	xo_willa 2003-08-06 15:35 (link)
	ashton said you were really upset last night because i didnt tell you christopher was walking along the couch. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	chriskeeto 2003-08-06 15:42 (link)
	*sighs* it's just. i missed all the stuff when amanda was pregnant and then i swore i'd never miss anything important, and then i missed him standin' up for the first time and i didn't even know he was walking. and it sucks, especially since he got to see it and i didn't (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	xo_willa 2003-08-06 15:46 (link)
	He didn't get to see it. I told him about it when I was telling him the stuff about Lily. i think he just said he saw it because i told him i didnt want you to know that i was worried about lily until i was for sure. i didnt want there to be any more stress on you. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	chriskeeto 2003-08-06 15:48 (link)
	oh...*rubs my head* but i still missed it and i hate that (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	xo_willa 2003-08-06 15:52 (link)
	i'm sorry. its just when christopher and i are alone we play on the floor in the living room and it just happens. but i prmoise i'll try not and let you miss anything else. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	chriskeeto 2003-08-06 15:55 (link)
	*nods a little, rubbing your leg absently* ok (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	xo_willa 2003-08-06 16:53 (link)
	*leans into you resting Lily in the space between is rubbing her tummy as she looks around* look at how beautiful she is. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	chriskeeto 2003-08-06 16:57 (link)
	*nods, kissing my fingertips and touching them to her forehead* she's gorgeous...those eyes.. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	xo_willa 2003-08-06 17:09 (link)
	*slips out of bed and goes to christophers room pics him up out of his crib, still sleeping and brings him in with us* we must've worn him out yesterday. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	chriskeeto 2003-08-06 17:19 (link)
	*smiles a little at him* poor little guy..*gives lily my finger to grab onto* i think he liked his first trip to see mickey though (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	xo_willa 2003-08-06 17:35 (link)
	*smiles as he wakes up* morning sunshine. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	chriskeeto 2003-08-06 17:38 (link)
	*smiles and kisses his nose* hey little guy (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	xo_willa 2003-08-06 18:16 (link)
	no you can't kiss him. you have to have him kiss you. *holds christopher up to me* kiss. *smiles after he kisses me on the lips* (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	chriskeeto 2003-08-06 18:18 (link)
	well then, gimmie *taps my lips* (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	xo_willa 2003-08-06 18:28 (link)
	you have to say kiss. *holds christopher up to you* kiss. *smiles when he kisses you* see. He knows what to do if you say the right word. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	chriskeeto 2003-08-06 18:29 (link)
	*smiles and tickles his tummy a little* he's such a smart kid (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

_ashton__ 2003-08-06 16:13 (link)

-he sighs rubbing his eyes grabbing his cell phone and dialing the familiar number of your cell phone, sighing again he gets your voicemail- Hey Will and Chris, uh just wanted to see how y'all were doing...ya know just checkin in on you guys..Jen and i are always here for you no matter what..if you ever need anything anything at all ya know just call us and one of us will be right over alright...I love you both very much..ok i guess ill just talk to you later -He hangs up the phone and sighs deeply rubbing his eyes once again sinking back down onto the couch staring up at the ceiling- (Reply to this) (Thread)