|Current mood:|| tired|
|Current music:||You and me... I dunno who its by|
Ahhh. Crazy day. I got up at 9:30 to go to an appointment... that i didnt actually have. turns out its on monday. fuck. it took me an hour to get there. i was kinda pissed, just cause i made the mistake. oh well. so anyways, my mom told me to call my cousin who was visiting from saskatoon for the day, so i did. Anyways, I ended up spending from about 12:30 onwards with my 2-30 year old cousins, my one month old nephew (once removed), and my cousin's wife. It was surprisingly fun. I wasnt quite as interested in the baby clothing and whatnot, but shopping for us girls was fun. I saw a shirt at dynamite that I really like, and it was only eighteen bucks, but it was an extra small... so I wasnt sure if I should get it. It fit just fine. It might have fit a little better if it was a small, but I'm not an extra small so I didnt buy it. Kinda bums me out a bit, cause I thought it was a cute shirt. And then there were the bags at sport check. I wanted a little one with flowers... cause the other ones were ugly. and a big one with sparkles and green writing, cause the other one's were ugly, but i wasnt sure how much I'd actually end up liking them. so i didnt buy those either. I did buy a pair of sunglasses. I like them, but they kept getting caught it my hair. And it suuuuuuuuuuuucks that I have to wear glasses when I drive (legally... i probably wont end up wearing them, eventually...) cause they're super cute, I think. Anways, we went for lunch (if 3 oclock is still considered lunch) to chili's. And ate a lot. Then Tanya's like "I think your mom misunderstood my email." And I felt like suuuuuuuuuuuch an ass. Cause in the email it said that she was gunna spend the day with mike and val and then the night with my sister and i and my mom. But my mom said to call anyways. So I did. And I felt like such a dumb ass, cause I'm sure that the day was intended to be for just mike, val and tanya. Oh well. I just felt really stupid, cause I'm sure there were other things that I would rather have done (yes, yes there were). It was still fun though. I just felt like I wasn't supposed to be there. So anyways. Finished lunch at chilis, then went to toysrus. Looked around for a bit. Tanya bought tony some toys. One of them I found. Then we went back to mike and val's house. Took pictures. I changed Tony's diaper (I don't know how to spell it... i think that's it). Then Tanya and I came back to my house and just sat and talked. She gave me a boyfriend lecture on the ways home. Strangely enough, it ended up just being about her and how she'd wasted 6 years of her life on someone that wasn't willing to commit to her. And how she was upset that she was still so hung up on him. I love her. I didnt tell her anything about anything. So she told me her story. I think she's afraid the same thing is going to happen to me. But anyways, we talked about baba and stuff when we got home. Then we decided to go and get some food for takeout. She suggested chinese and I suggested kelsey's desert. Fuck. I felt like such an ass at kelsey's. I felt so bad, you don't even want to know. Honestly, I just didnt know what to do. It was like one huge masquerade. Fuck. I just felt horrible tho. After that, my mind still on it, we went to the liquor store and she bought some wine cause its so much cheaper here. And she taught me that if I let out my clutch a little bit that my car will move forward without even pushing on the gas. I knew that if you let out your clutch it will slow the car down, but i didnt know that it could make it move. Haha. So anyways, we then went down to the glen and i stalled at the stop sign. I let my clutch out too fast. I always get nervous when there is someone behind me. But tanya was sooooooooo good about everything. So we went and parked (and ALL of my parking jobs... even at kelseys were fucking awesome!), ordered our chinese and I drove us to the other liquor store, cause the first one didnt have her ?fat bastard? wine. We came back and our take out was ready. We drove back home and she re-taught me to parallel park. It was soooooooooooooooooooooo good. I dont mean to sound high on myself, I swear, but it was pretty freaking good. I guess I knew what I was doing before, I just didnt remember where to line my car up. So anyways. I hooooope that I'll get my license on saturday. I can't see myself not getting it, unless I do something really stupid like not stop at a stop sign or not slow down in a playground zone. But yeah. I'm sooooooo psyched for it.!!!! Anyways, after dinner tanya started talking about how she needs to work two jobs (long story, but by the end of it, i was soooo pumped to kick someone's ass... not actually, but the story even got me going), and my mom asked why she didnt have a job that would use her university degree thinger. And she went it to this big long thing about how child services was soooo hard. And she told us this story about how this girl waited all day for her father to pick her up from the group home she lived in for dinner, ruckers, a sleepover, etc. She waited all day and her dad never showed up. A week later her dad called her to speak to her. What a dick. But anyways, my mom started to say something after the story was finished and I couldn't even look at her. Granted, my parents have never just left me there on my birthday and then called a week later to apologize, but still. To sit there and be excited that your seventeenth birthday is in 20ish days and have your mom say that she doesn't care because you're not going to be home. That kills me. It absolutely kills me. And I brought it up tonight that my birthday was in 15 days and no one cared. It absolutely killed me. And the other day I was on the phone with my dad on the way to my chem exam and he was like "it felt like you blamed me for your birthday's. I never called me and slept over at your mother's house... and blah blah blah." and he just made it feel like it was my fault. And then I brought up the fact that I had come at like 10 am instead of 8 am on my birthday from my mom's house and you know what I did. I sat in my closet on my birthday. No one bought me a present till like a week after my birthday. That birthday will stick with me for the rest of my life. He doesnt remember it, but I sure as hell do. And I remember another birthday when my step mom and my sister and my step brother went somewhere without my dad and I. ON my birthday?!! Like it didn't even matter to them that that day was MY day. I'm so worried that I'm going to hate my birthday once again. Ah well. I guess I'll see. I get my license in a day. Nothing can be that bad. Unless I crash. Then I'll suck.
Until then, sweet dreams.
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