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Matt Lovato (xmattxlovatox) wrote,
@ 2003-08-05 11:32:00
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    Current mood: crushed
    Current music:Nine Inch Nails.Something I Can Never Have

    AIM can die, a pint of Cherry Garcia, and tears up the wazoo.
    News travels fairly quick around here, I'm sure that most of you know that the wedding's off and Jere and I aren't together anymore. He's always been in love with someone else, but who could blame him... After all, I'm only Matt Lovato.

    I can't stop thinking that I did something wrong, which wouldn't be a new discovery, that I'm the reason why I've been sitting on my couch, eating ice cream, and watching this fucking "Gone With The Wind" movie over and over again. I should have know that this was all too good to be true. I should have known that any second I would wake up, alone and miserable, in my bed.

    I suppose that there are reasons for everything, that you're somewhat in control over your own life... If that's true then I fucked up something fierce, but maybe that's just what I am... something white out can't erase. But I want Jere to be happy, and if I have to be trapped in a festering sea of loathing and misery... I'll be trapped in a festering sea of loathing and misery.

    Maybe I shouldn't try again, [maybe] I should give up. Maybe I should just hide inside my skin, that way I can't be hurt like this again. I know that I shouldn't be dealing with this like that, but I'd rather not go to a bar and get piss ass drunk, doing something that I'll regret in the morning.

    I just realized something... I fucking hate Cherry Garcia ice cream. *Throws the empty carton to the floor, not caring if the carpet stains, and curls up into a ball. Closes eyes and tries to get some sleep, rubbing the gold band in my fist*

    I still recall the taste of my tears
    Echoing your voice just like the ringing in my ears
    My favorite dreams of you still wash ashore
    Scraping through my head 'till I don't want to sleep anymore

    Come on tell me
    Make this all go away
    You make this all go away
    I'm down to just a thing
    And I'm starting to scare myself
    Make this all go away
    You make this all go way

    I just want something
    I just want something I can never have
    You always were the one to show me how
    Back then I couldn't do the things that I can do now
    This is slowly taking me apart
    Grey would be the color if I had a heart
    I just want something I can never have
    In this place it seems like such a sham
    Though it all looks different now,
    I know it's still the same
    Everywhere I look you're all I see
    Just a fading fucking reminder of who I used to be

    Come on tell me
    Make this all go away
    You make this all go away
    I'm down to just a thing
    And I'm starting to scare myself
    Make this all go away
    You make this all go way

    I just want something
    I just want something I can never have
    I just want something I can never have
    Think I know what you meant.
    That night on my bed.
    Still picking at this scab
    I wish you were dead
    You sweet and perry ellis
    Just stains on my sheets


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almightyjere
2003-08-05 14:05 (link)
Matt...I'm so sorry. I never wanted to hurt you like this but I would've hurt you more if I had done it a long ways down the road.

(Reply to this) (Thread)


quinny_a
2003-08-05 18:26 (link)
if it's worth anything, i'm sad, too.

(Reply to this) (Thread)


xmattxlovatox
2003-08-06 22:26 (link)
Let's throw a big sad party... heh.

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)


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