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i'm sorry is never enough (xglitter_soresx) wrote,
@ 2004-10-29 13:21:00
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    Current mood: frustrated
    Current music:one step closer - linkin park

    did you know willy wonka and the chocolate factory is listed as a horror movie?
    last night i woke up at like 1:30 because i had to pee, but someone was in the bathroom so i was waiting. then eddie comes out and looks at me and walks away, and then when i went in there it fucking smelled.... he took a shit and it was gross...i was like okay you have no reason to not talk to me. and apparently my moms thinks they both need to fucking grow up, and realize he doesnt live here, so they need to stop acting like he does... supposidly my sisters moving in with him because shes sick of me "being on her computer 24-7" im like WHAT THE FUCK! i was on it once when you first got it to hook it up to MINE thats her reason for moving out.... im like youre stupid... me and my sister used to hate eachother and then a few years ago we were fine, and now that im 17 and shes 22 and things arent going her way shes being a bitch and hates me for no reason AGAIN because eveything that happens in her life is MY fault. yeah... its sick right? i cant wait untill she moves out, because its like im an only child already and me and my parents get along now, the only problem in this family, causing my parents trouble is her... when she moves out theyre not paying her car insurance or her cell phone bill or anything anymore, so we wont always be tight on money and thats takes a lot of stress off my parents especially my mom, because she is still having problems with her heart, which i didnt know until last night, and my sister is just making it worse because shes a big baby. for 7 years, i was the stress, and my grandma living here for 3 years, and then dying that was all the stress in the house, now we've all coped with it except krystal because she cant cope with anything. i'm no longer a burden or a stress factor because im better now, better than ive ever been, im doing good in school and im going to go to college and i study and work hard because my medicine makes me more focused, which i never was because along with being bi-polar i obviouosly have add too, so i want to learn, im interested, and i like school and learning scary as that sounds, so if i fail a class in college its not like i didnt go to the classes and didnt pay attention or do homework or study... which you need to do in college... and something my sisster never did... she's bitching that shanna's going to stony brook and i'm still at suffolk... and my moms like whose fault is that? you failed not me. you don't care about school, you don't study or do homework, you dont go to extra help which is available because you wont admit that you have a learning disablitiy or that you need help, a lot of people have them, and she didn't want to hear it. i have one... and i've failed and failed, and i didnt care about school... but then i woke up... my only regret is not opning my mouth sooner... i feel bad for her because her best friend is moving to california and "getting a convertable and a whole new wardrobe" from her daddy, and shanna's leaving suffolk and going to stonybrook, and she feels left behind, but she has just been getting worse and worse over the past months and ive come to a point where i just cant put up with it, and be nice to her when shes being an asshole blaming me for everything wrong in her life...ive always tried to be as nice to her as i can but its just like fuck it... i cant be nice to a screaming lunatic who makes me feel like shit and cry because i was sick and didnt want to go to fuckin six flags. shes like i dont believe you that youre sick, youre lying youre just being a fucking bitch and ruinung everyones fun so you can what? go hang out with dan? i was like fuck you dont imply that you control where i go and who i see. then shes like youre going to need a ride to dan's sooner or later and believe me you will not get it... im like youre fucking pathetic... she still tries to control me like she did when we were little... she loves having power over me because i cant drive to dan's yet... im like youre sick, wait until i get my license, and i wont "need" anything from her then whats she going to threaten me with? christ, i just want her to leave... in the worst way, because i'll be in a good mood, and happy which i never was... and then she'll shoot me down with her negativity... she says she's leaving "when she's ready" i'm like yeah... threatening to move out for attention much? she sounds pretty ready to leave to me, especially since shes sick of me, hates me, can't stand me, and i'm always ruining everything for her, and this is one that really gets me.... eddie and her go out to eat....EVERY FUCK NIGHT... and they bring... to our house... their leftovers...eddie lives by himself in his own appartment.... why they feel the need to put their food in our refrigerator in the first place, is beyond me... and i'm not quite used to having food in my house that i'm "not allowed to eat" everything i'm not supposed to eat reads lo-carb diet on it... which belong to my parents, and tastes like crap anyway... so i assume since my sister is barely here and i'm pretty sure my brother in law doesnt live with me, that any other food was bough by my mom or dad... for me.... if i eat any of "their food" eddie get so mad.... he bough icecream cake, they took like half the cake... the cake sits in the freezer for a week... so me and lydia eat it.... because it's just sitting there, taking up space in our already full freezer, and waiting to get freezer burn. so my mom tells me that eddie was so mad and pissed off and she said to him... eddie, if you dont want your food eaten... then dont bring it here, you dont live here, katie does, you have your own apartment, leave your food at your own house... their beyond rediculous.... i want them to move out so much, i can't wait until they do.

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