|Current music:||the lyndsay diaries|
god send me and angel to heall this broken heart cuz all i do is cry
fuck damn shit. no matter how hard i try to let him go i can't. i love him so much still. but he's with crystal now and i just need to let go. but we are still friends. but that just makes it ten times harder. when we went to the movies i kept on breathin him in, so i covered my mouth and nose with my scarf so i would breath him in and fall in love with him again. which really didn't work cuz him just next to me and my temps to try to hold him didn't work "we are just friends" kept on playing through my head, i could even try. but if he just held my hand and thats all i would have been fine with. but no but when the movie was over i was find just tired and calm and alittle hurt. he knew something was wrong but there really wasn't and if there was he already knows what is wrong. he cant be that blind, or can he be? but i have talked to him in 3 days cuz hes mad cuz at me for not tell him what is wrong with me and really i think it is a childish game and he is being and asshole. i fell liek doin what i usaully do at these times but i dont really want to. god but he has really pissed me off this time i seriously am from now on just goin to drop it. see the hole reason i started this journal is so i can talk bout andrew all i want and alex wont see it and i wouldnt get yelled at for it. hmm i mean what can i say i love her but i love him and she is sick of hearing bout him so i need to tell someone and why cant that someone be this journal. im just really tired of everything right now thats kinda why i got the second job so i would get away from andrew so i can get away from somepeople so i can get away from my family. well but it will keep me away from the things i love too but i will deal with it for awhile i need money and i need to get away from somethings. just the things that hurt me to much for me to handle right now im not sure i would able to deal with it and do something stupid to myself..like i usaully do. fuck im hurting bad right now i hate these feelings hurt and pain and anger. and love. it just hurts to much i want to cry but i cant i never can when i want to to just let go but it never happens.
but there is nothing else to do beside to let go. let go of him let go of everything.
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