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My Last Week
So I pretty much spent my last week helping my dad out at the deli. That's my reason for not updating this way sooner. It's been so slow here and my dad was too busy so Carl was willing to let me work for him for a week to save him from paying me to sit on my ass. It was a nice change to spend time with my dad. It was actually fun working there, but I'm glad it was only for the week.
So Clarise and I are now talking again. She did call me back a few days later and everything seems to be okay. I doubt it will ever be the same with us, but that can only be expected. At least we can talk.
Lord of the Rings: ROTK
So is it wrong to like the first two more? Maybe it was because I haven't watched this one a billion times yet, but I was pretty disappointed with the final installment. It didn't flow nearly as well as the other two and it seemed so rushed. I don't know if I should be upset at the book or the movie, but I thought it was bullshit that Aragorn didn't get one decent fight in the new movie. The battle wasn't nearly as good as in the first one. It was much more light-hearted and that powerful "Middle Earth alliance" that reformed in the Two Towers was valueless in the outcome of this movie. There were no elves fighting, no trees destroying... just men with swords. And Mordor was very much overrated. Somehow, Sam just waltzed right in to save Froto. There were no real traps, no hard struggles... just some rocks and a volcano. I'm not gonna say anymore.
Getting close and still have shopping to do. I do this every year. For some reason, I'm not as stressed out, though. Maybe I'm just happy to survive last week working those crazy shifts.
So why is it that I'm still having problems letting some things go. I know that this summer was in the past, but there are just some things that I'm still very angry about. Just when I think I'm over the whole Sean issue, my thoughts of what happened that night... that week, come back to make this pacifist want to beat the fucking shit out of him. I feel sick just thinking about it but I can't help it. There are so many things about this summer that I just don't know how to deal with. The fact that I considered Sean a friend. The fact that he joked around with me about hooking up with her before they even met, and then taking it to a whole new level. The fact that they both hid it from me for so long when it was so obvious. I am still unsettled, picturing them both together on Alicia's driveway talking. I knew right there what was going on, just not to what level. The fact that my friends kept it quiet, knowing what was going on. But it's not their place, right? The fact that she let one of my good friends at the time fuck her, after knowing him less then a week. The fact that he's a fucking player and didn't talk to her afterwards...
The fact that, being outside of our relationship, she did, probably what I needed to do.
Talking about it with Jenn helped, but I feel it's only a temporary release, since I'm still upset by it all. I love her to death. She means so much to me and I just hope that I can eventually lay this to rest.
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|this is what bothered me the most: |
"Talking about it with Jenn helped, but I feel it's only a temporary release, since I'm still upset by it all. I love her to death. She means so much to me and I just hope that I can eventually lay this to rest."|
And I know I didn't help much on saturday with some of the other things I say. So many times I tell myself that I don't deserve you, and not because of me, but because of what I've done to you. That has been whats been on my mind, and I'm so scared for the day when you finally realize that as well, that you don't deserve all the shit that I've put you through. Its so much harder this time around. I feel like there's much more at stake. Last night, when you called, just to say I love you and good night, little things like that make me wish I could be with you all the time. I sometimes hate when I'm at school, this week marks when we're back to seeing eachother once a week or less, and I hate that.
Anyway, I'm going to go, now that I've humiliated myself enough for your friends, I will talk to you later.
I love you.
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"you ever get this feeling that she's cheating on you?", "yeah i get that too" she probably is, she has been, she'll do it again, she's like a screen door in a huricanne|
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