|Current mood:|| depressed|
|Current music:||Morning Report With Mark & Steve, WOC AM 1420|
It's Friday, You Bastards
I've got great news for all you bully's out there. I had breakfast with Mitt this morning and he patiently explained to me...He had to be patient because I spent too much time at Harvard, unlike him, and then he complained about the donuts that came from 7-Eleven but that's another story for another day...that yes, bullying is bad and you shouldn't do it but if you do, don't worry about it because all you have to do is pick your victim up, turn him over, shake vigorously and voilà!
The entire incident is erased. Just like it never happened. It works for animal abuse and campaign promises, too. So all you bully's can dig out your hate crimes bucket list and go nuts. You have the full permission and backing of the next President Of The United States Of America. At least that's what Mitt said.
I said that Barack might win and that just opened up a big can of worms because then Mitt said that if Barack wins, he'll be dead or in jail at this time next year and then a few minutes later, he got a message from Ted Nugent's attorneys informing him that he's being sued for intellectual property theft. Of course I can't say anymore about it because it is ongoing litigation but what I've said so far is enough.
It's the funniest thing on so many levels that you will ever hear. Unless you count this: http://usnews.msnbc.msn.com/_news/2012/05/11/11658434-kentucky-students-accused-of-taking-video-up-teachers-dress?lite. That might not mean much to you if you don't live in the Quad Cities (http://www.visitquadcities.com/) because about once a month or so like clockwork we have a teacher getting caught having sex with a student.
And it's nice to see that some students in Kentucky are turning the tables and getting even. And posting the results on YouTube for all of us to enjoy. Kids, this is a fad you should fully throw yourselves into. Just try to not get caught. But if you do get caught, turn the cell phone over and shake it. Before the cops slap the cuffs on.
Because until you get some more directing experience you shouldn't try to mix Voyeurism with S&M. Stick to one genre until you really know what you're doing. And ignore the critics. They don't know anything, except when the reviews are good and even then you have to be careful to not get too caught up in your own press.
In short, the film business is a grueling, soul crushing and ultimately meaningless way to make a living. But God has compensated for that by providing the casting couch and booze. Speaking of the latter, this is Friday night and that means that Fifi, my Sommelier, has been slaving over a hot bar all day coming up with this, tonight's Theme Drink:
1 oz Orange rum (Cruzan)
1 oz Banana rum (Cruzan)
1 oz Coconut rum (Cruzan)
1 oz Pineapple rum (Cruzan)
1 1/2 oz Cranberry juice
1 1/2 oz Orange juice
1 1/2 oz Pineapple juice
1/2 oz Dark rum (Cruzan)
Pour over ice in a hurricane class. Float dark rum on top and serve.
Before we go any further, the head of my in-house legal team, Grace Van Owen, has asked me to remind you, especially those of you who work for the FTC, that I am not getting any sort of kickback from the cheapskates at Cruzan. She didn't say what kind of kickback Fifi is getting and what her cut of it is. Why is it that all these stupid ethics and morals laws we have here only affect me?
OK, now we can go further. Right when there's nothing left to talk about. I can't win. I might as well just go make another
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