|Current mood:|| depressed|
|Current music:||Christopher Jordan, WSAR Fall River, MA. April, 1974|
Today's Random Coast Notes
Just like always, I listened to Coast this morning with a nonjudgemental impeccably open mind securely coupled to my ever present curiosity laden unbiased sense of ego-free curiosity and wonderment. Untainted by even the slightest hint of Know-It-Allism. Even when Catherine Lanigan went completely off the deep end and said things like, "Angels are always here to help and guide us."
I don't know what her experience is with angels, especially those of the guardian type or what she was drinking last night but I'm willing to bet she can't pass a Breathalyzer yet. That doesn't mean she isn't a good writer, especially of screenplays because I liked Romancing The Stone and Jewel Of The Nile...It just means she was really drunk last night.
And maybe she...And perhaps you...has had a better Guardian Angel experience than me but I doubt it. Let me tell you about mine. For a long time I thought it was Clarence and he wasn't doing a good job because making a movie with Jimmy Stewart had made him go all Hollywood.
I cut him a lot of slack because Frank Capra was awesome but he was far from the easiest guy to work for. Making one movie with him could irreparably scar a Guardian Angel forever. And I always felt that a miracle could occur and Clarence would snap out of it and start doing a good job.
But no. You would think that by now I would have learned that unbridled optimism doesn't pay but I haven't. Even after I learned that Clarence didn't work for me at all, that my Guardian Angel is Aunt Clara (http://www.harpiesbizarre.com/beographylorne.htm).
I know, how could I mistake Clara for Clarence? Even though they both made movies...but that's all water under the bridge now. What matters is that I have a 129 year old witch for a Guardian Angel who should have retired in 1942. But what can I do?
Have you ever talked to her? She is the sweetest most lovable and charming little old lady you'll ever meet and she's as well meaning as she is incompetent. You just can't fire someone like that and replace her with Charlie Sheen's Guardian Angel because that guy doesn't need anymore protection and well crafted guidance that not only protects him from every stupid thing he decides to do but makes him profit from it.
And you can't tell her, "I want 1000 hookers who will do everything I say for free," because you'll just end being the foreman of a factory that makes knitted sweaters. Sure, it makes Christmas shopping easy because everyone gets a sweater but life requires more than easy Christmas shopping.
So all I can do is wait for her to retire. Which she shows no sign of wanting to do. And in the meantime I have to listen to people like Charlie talk about how great their Guardian Angels are. Which I don't believe for a minute because there must be a downside to all that perfect happiness.
And if all these good Guardian Angels were everything they are cracked up to be, wouldn't one of them have nudged Tommy into using Undercover Angel (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KMW5xam4sRo) as one of the bumpers this morning? I rest my case.
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