|Current mood:|| depressed|
|Current music:||Bill Ward, WPLO Atlanta, December 1963 (RESTORED)|
It's Valentine's Day, You Bastards
Marry an outdoors woman. Then if you throw her out into the yard on a cold night, she can still survive.
~~~~~~~~~W. C. Fields
If Bill isn't already your Life Coach, you would be well served to change that as soon as possible. And no day would be better than this one, Valentine's Day, because he was so especially good at giving romantic advice. Remember, he also said, "Women are like elephants. I like to look at 'em, but I wouldn't want to own one." As well as, "No doubt exists that all women are crazy; it's only a question of degree." And, "Ah, the patter of little feet around the house. There's nothing like having a midget for a butler."
He also said, "When we have lost everything, including hope, life becomes a disgrace, and death a duty," and that should be the be all and end all of everything but it isn't. Because...Well, just go back and reread the quote about all women being crazy and everything will be clear...and since it's Valentine's Day, the problem is even worse than usual.
And Bill also covered days like this when he said, "There comes a time in the affairs of man when he must take the bull by the tail and face the situation," and, "There are only two real ways to get ahead today - sell liquor or drink it." And since we don't have a liquor license, let's just see what Fifi, my Sommelier, has cooked up for today's Theme Drink:
Low Latitude Lust
1 shot Vodka
1 shot Southern Comfort
1 shot Cherry juice or 1 tblsp of Grenadine
14 oz Pineapple juice
In a mixing tin, combine the vodka, Southern Comfort, and Pineapple juice. then add cherry juice from your jar of marachino cherries. Shake well and pour over crushed or cubed ice.
The drink is supposed to have a light orangeish-pink color to it. When mixed properly, you will only be able to taste a smoothly sweet pineapple taste.
I can Hear Bill saying right now, plain as day, "Somebody's been putting pineapple juice in my pineapple juice!" Which means that either all that listening to Coast To Coast AM has finally paid off in the form of me being able to directly communicate with the other side or Miss Bunni, my Chief Executive Vice President In Charge Of Mystical Affairs and Head Astrologer has parted the veil between the living and the dead again and he just wandered in.
Either way, I'm happy, because Suzette, my Chef De Cuisine and Chief Executive Vice President In Charge Of Domestic Bliss, who is really a scullery maid, is insisting we go on a seven day cruise on the Saône in April and I need new arguments against it. Ones that don't include, "I just did that last year with Minx, my secretary," because Suzette gets even more crazy when she hears things like that.
Why can't she just relax and enjoy Valentine's Day? Like me. And Bill.
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