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shana (x_shana_x) wrote,
@ 2003-09-10 22:30:00
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    Current mood:sad,confused,blank
    Current music:...some song on a playlist

    I just had a huge cry, simon an di had an argument. i think it was basically just over a misunderstanding. He thought my screen name meant i hate him and he thought i was gonna break up with him but really it was just lyrics and it meant nothing, then when i sed i want to call him he though ti wante to dump him again. its so frustrating coz i havent sed or done anything to hint any of this crap and he takes everything so seriously, he tried to get me to understand where he got it from but it just doesnt make sense at all. he thought coz my name was something bout not listening and he sed that it was to tell my internet boyfriends " i'm fighting with my boyfriend, flirt with me " where the fuck did he get that from. he thought i was trying to say that guys should hit on me. i dont know how he thinks. its really confuzing, and then i sed it sounds liek he doesnt trust me anymore and he went skitz. if he trusts me why does he think i would want guys to flirt with me just coz i had an abusing screen name that had no meaning to anyone. and why would he automatically think i want to dump him if i say i really want to talk to u. i'm so frustrated, he gets so angry wen i didnt do anythign wrong he tried to make me look so bad when i did nothing. i dont deserve to feel bad when i didnt intentionally get him upset. he reckons he doesnt need this shit coz he has preliminary exams next week...bu tno it doesnt matter that i have a maths test tomorrow and i have a speech to write and my dads having a kid in 3 weeks and i think i'm pregnant. fukin hell. he was being so selfish
    and he was liek " it stresses me out too that u think ur pregnant" and as if he would be as freaked out as me! i know he's be scared but he couldnt possibly be more scared than i am, at least if i was pregnant he could still finish his education, at least he'd still have a life.
    I wish i was like a male spider or something, they hatch then they grow till they are big enough to mate then they die. that's all life needs to be. we're only here to reproduce anyway we only need to be here long enough to keep our species alive. who needs to deal with love and stress and ruining a life by having sex too early, and worrying about shit that doesnt mean anything. fuck this. i wanted to go to the school councillor on tuesday coz i was really upset at school and i was worried as hell but i wen tto her and she had no time coz she was all booked out so she put me an appointment for next week. i needed her on tuesday. why book if i dont know if i'll need her then. its stupid.
    I really dont give a shit abou that test tomorrow maths can get fuked up the ass who wants to know it so why test me on it. my teacher knows i'm smart enough to stay in advanced maths so she's not gonna drop me over one test. fuck studying for it i'm only in year nine it wont count anyway. but i really need to do that speech. i need to get that movie out, most people have already nearly finished it i think. i shouldnt leae it till the last miniute but i'm in no state to sit and write a speech right now let alone study for friggin maths. fuck volume i dont care abotu formula's when will i ever need to know the exact volume of a trapezium prism thingo, where do u find a trapezium anyway. well i've written fuckloads too much and i doubt anyone would get to the end of this. i feel a bit better now.

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2003-09-10 18:37 (link)
It's very sad if you think that life is only about reproduction. You're too young to think like that. That's not what life is about. It's about experiencing. It's about surviving. And I think love is so much more important than sex or reproduction.

If you focus on the love you feel for your friends, family, and sometimes partner, then I think that's what it means to really live. Love is such a strong energy. And even if you get depressed and shit like that, love will pull you out.

Stress sucks. I experience way too much of it for someone my age, and it sounds like you do too. But don't worry about it. Take time to yourself and take a deep breath and relax. Do something for yourself, something that relaxes you. Think about calm stuff. It works, trust me.

Anyway, that's my speech. I felt bad for you and wanted to offer my advice.

Good luck,

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2003-09-11 06:22 (link)
thanks, it helped :)

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