| Current mood: |  contemplative |
| Current music: | emotional rollercoaster....Vivian Green |
life is funny..or maybe just my thoughts and perspective are
so i wake up today and the first thing on my brain is my ex-husband.....it's funny cause the more i say that teh more wierd it sounds to me.....
i've been with him off and on since i was 17....this man has been the only person that has been able to penetrate my walls and thick fronts of non-emotion....
i don't know why i love him anymore....i keep telling myself he's apart of my past and hat i really hav to learn tolet him go....but alas i'm corny cause i can't...what's up with that....
anyone been in love so bad and for so long that it seems wrong for it to be any other way?!?!?
well my friend just toldme last night i said his name a couple of times in my sleep....now that's insane cause i have never talked in my sleep...or at least noone has ever told me i have....
so i'm trying to let go of him and the hope that one day he'll get his crazy act together and be able to be the man i need.....but what if he never does....
and what if he can't be the man i need cause what i really need is a woman...hmmm..that's one to think about...any comments?!?!?.....
well i'm notconfused about my sexuality...i'm just totally confused about who i'll end up with in the long run....
i mean i'v always had a thing for woman i mean i use to chase them around when i was in first grade.....
standing on the boys line so i could hold another girls hand instead of a boys...
maybe i'm just rushing myself.....
i've told myself that i'm not gonna get into any heavy relatonshps this year...unless it just happens....but i don't want to have that intention in my mind....though i am looking for a friend an companion....
i would really like smeone who wants to take things as slow as i do.......no sex....just pure companionship and perhaps then some great sex....lol.....i really believe that great sex only comes when the two in it aren't putting up an act for each other cause they are new to each other and want to impress one another...i have found myself in this situation...the two aren't just trying to get themselves off.....
great sex is when:
both partners can laugh and giggle during it
you can be serious, andmore importantly be taken seriously too
you don't have to be scarred to comunicate what you like and to be yourself
you can be free
when you can trust your parner to ask for your okay before doing something so that you don't freak out cause you don't like it or worse have to fake that u like it
your partner makes love to you for as long as it takes to satisfy you and not for as long as they can bare to...LMAO....
well so i need a friend to have fun with....life is too serious...and i've noticed i've especially been serious about mine for way too long….
…….PUBLIC ANNOUNCEMENT…….
RECRUITING FRIENDS FOR CHAT OR MORE…
BUT PLEASE REALIZE THAT WE MUST START AS FRIENDS……
I CANNOT RISK JUMPING INTO ANY MORE “RELATIONSHIPS” WITHOUT KNOWING WHAT I’M GETTING INTO….
AND YOU SHOULDN’T WANT TO EITHER!!!!!!!
Peace,
des
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