Wildflower1964 (wildflower1964) wrote, @ 2005-01-24 15:01:00

You know.. I'm just going to right this stuff as it comes to my head. I'm sitting here thinking holy fu*k.... I don't know why I'm so depressed. I mean really & truly. I should be going places and doing things... experimenting the world I live in and the people I live among. But something within myself doesn't want to make a move yet. I sit at home day after day watching tv, even though I do try to watch news, educational & true story. I also watch shows like Oprah and Ilove Dr. Phil, Is it that I'm unable, or is it that I'm unwilling to move on with my life beyond the comfort of my home. I find myself wondering what it is I'm so afraid of or if I'm afraid of anything at all. Maybe I'm just lazy???? To comfortable to do anything. Reaping what I sow. So to speak. But I'll tell you. I'm getting very impatient about being patient. I believe spiritually and with my heart that every waking moment of your life you should be learning some, doing something making a difference in the world or at least your town, neighbour hood perhaps. I don't know if this is the correct way of thinking or I'm thinking this way because of the antidepressant that I take daily not to mention every thing else I can alter my feelings and body chemistry.

I'm frustrated and aggrivated at myself.... I want to quit smoking and doing drugs of all sorts. I want to live in the present moment. Be all that I can be. I'm educated and I'm funny as fu*k. I am kind and caring to everyone I meet or at least try to be...... Most days... Then the next thing you know....... I'm pissed off at myself and short and sarcastic to everyone around me.

None if this may make sense, and if you think it's bull shit... then call me on it and we get a new learning experience for both of us.

A mind once expanded by a new idea can never return to it original shape!

	thespian15 2005-01-25 05:11 (link)
	I think that it is really great that you are starting to think about getting out and doing things. That sounds like you are starting to feel the need to move on. I think everything you said made sense. I wish I could be there to help you start to get out and experience new things. To just experience life. Love and Hugs, Jon (Reply to this) (Thread)

	Ahhhh!!! wildflower1964 2005-01-25 22:30 (link)
	Thanks .... I've missed you... Made a couple of promises to myself. More journaling on or offline is something I'm doing everyday. Keeping track so to speak... I'm starting to gain a little more confidence. I'll be around I hope alot more now than I have been lately. Anyways... ciao my friend. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)