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viscious fish (whore4disaster) wrote,
@ 2004-07-19 15:40:00
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    Current mood:contemplative
    Current music:Sugarcubes

    death disquised as fungus
    I thought I was going to die Saturday night. An extremely drunken fun night ended with me eating mushrooms, and maybe it was just a bad combination, but other people got all crazy off them too. I looked all cracked out and twitchy with eyes like quarters. Usually when contemplating death on psychedelics I get a calm, energy cannot be created or destroyed and we are all a part of infinite circles where death is unavoidable yet impermanent. Not last night. It was too intense, I closed my eyes and everything was focused inward, tracking down and analyzing every flaw of my diseased flesh, and I was afraid of getting old and sick, sure that I had put poisen in my body, that I was not right, and was going to die a melted pile on my floor and that nobody would really notice. So I swore to myself and any god who would listen that if I made it through the night that I would never do drugs again. I don't know where I stand on that today, but know that I need to take care of myself, because even if people walk me home and drunkenly bandage my stumble wounds that I alone am the keeper of my mortality and that I still have a lot of important shit to do. It bothered me though that I talked to my ex and told him about it and that I thought if I had of died that night that nobody would be surprised....and he agreed with me. Makes me wonder how much I am really becoming this reckless character whom I like to portray.

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2004-07-19 21:11 (link)
actually i 'd be surprised not to mention extremely sad. i'm glad you're ok dear. and hey why the hell couldn't you listen to the sugarcubes when i lived with you?

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2004-07-20 14:08 (link)
I know people would be sad, I just meant I need to not be so crazy always. And I burned the sugarcubes from my stepmom while I was out there, cuz it had a cool cover and then I listened to them and was like, holy shit, this is bjork! I figured you would like them too, and was going to burn you a copy and get Brian to drive me and Rose down there sometime soon so we can all visit. That was our plan while silly stoned the other night, we just need to figure out people's schedules.

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