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veritasfox (veritasfox) wrote,
@ 2004-02-19 21:35:00
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    Current mood: indescribable
    Current music:could it be any harder - the calling

    one of three...
    Not sure what kind of a mood I'm in tonight. Keep jumping between stressed, annoyed and happy.

    I'm stressed because I have two major stories due soon and don't feel like I'm getting anywhere with them. And you know that the world will fall off it's axis if I don't get an A.

    I'm annoyed because I don't think certain people in my life take the things they say seriously - they don't understand the reprocusions. When you say something and that something involves another person or that other person gets drawn in because of what you say... then if you don't follow through... well that's just the same as lying. Even if there were underlying motives or justifications... it's just plain lying for attention. And I refuse to be a part of that sort of thing. It's a waste of my time and energy.

    I'm happy because Steph finally called me. I hadn't talked to her since Christmas. I was pissed at her last month, therefore avoided her on MSN but I can no longer remeber why I was mad. I think it's supposed to be that way with best friends. The anger just disappears when you hear their voice again.

    Well I still have cleaning to do to prepare for my mother's arrival tomorrow. I'm so happy she's coming. I've missed her. I'm trying to think of things we can do that won't cost much... she was hesitant to come because every time she does we go on $300 shopping sprees. If the weather is good we can walk the Sea Wall, or maybe go to the Art Gallery. I bought a ton of groceries, so we won't have to eat out. I'm hoping she'll want to go to a movie or something too. Although, in the city, movies are ridiculously expensive. $14+!!! Oh well... I'm at the point now where my mom and I can just talk like friends rather than her having to entertain me like a little kid... so going out for coffee or something will probably be just as cool.

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2004-02-20 07:57 (link)
Which person are you annoyed at? me?

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2004-02-20 12:49 (link)
among others yes, you. i'm not entirely sure i have the right to be annoyed at you but i can't help feeling the way i do. you make this post where you are talking about suicide or going into the hospital... and maybe i'm just a gullable sap but you sounded pretty serious. -->"Sleep, plan, shower, execute plan..." that was one of your last lines. so what is a person supposed to think when you write something like that? two options ran through my mind. you were either going to a) off yourself or b) go to hospital... either of which would cause me to worry about you. so i make a comment to your post only to have you ignore it and not respond. then all of a sudden you're posting about about your computer and crap? you could have responded to my comment and told me you were okay. i realize the nature of this illness is that emotions change quickly from dispair to happiness BUT posting in a very realistic way about suicide knowing that a friend of yours is going to read it and then not following through with communication isn't very fair to me. it bothers me because maybe next time you really need help and advise from a friend i won't take you seriously. i'm probably overreacting but at least i was concerned when it appeared there was need to be.

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2004-02-20 19:22 (link)
Sarah, I'm sorry for the lack of communication, I certainly never meant to upset you. I was selfish and no I don't think there is a whole lot that would make amends for those actions or lack of. I am in shell-shock, I keep re-reading your comment and I don't know what to say.

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2004-02-20 20:00 (link)
don't worry about it jamie - i overreacted... once i wrote that comment i realized that what you write in your own journal is up to you. i just got worried. i hope you can understand. sorry for jumping to conclusions. i'd talk to you on yahoo right now but my mom is coming soon... so i'll be busy with her all weekend. i'm over it. sorry.

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