|Current mood:|| exanimate|
|Current music:||revolution song - fefe dobson|
Just woke up from my afternoon nap... don't usually nap in the afternoon but I was exhausted from all the work I did last night and all the sleep I didn't get. Rob is coming over at 8pm to watch movies and hang out. I told him I was in no mood to go out... He agreed. (Like he had a choice!) I'm wanting him here because I like his company among other things, but I've been in such a cranky mood all day that I'm afraid I'll scare him away. Oh well, he'll just have to learn early that I'm a strong-willed and emotional person. He'll just have to love me for it... or sadly, he can leave. Anyway, last night on the phone we had the V-day conversation. We agreed that it's way too early to be celebrating such a thing... so tonight is movie night and tomorrow night he will go to work as planned.
I can't spare any time this weekend anyway. I have a term-paper due Monday that I haven't started yet... Haven't even gotten the research material. Not too worried about that. One of my old poli-sci texts will do for one source and then there's the net for a couple more sources and the class text... so I should be able to zip down to the public library tomorrow morning and find a 20th century philosophy text and be done with it. I really should own such a book because I am forever quoting Aristotle, Plato, Nitchzie(sp?), Sarte, and Kierkegard(sp?) in various essays and stories. So Sunday after I finish my paper... should I finish before midnight... Rob and I will go back to the same Starbucks where we met and have coffee.
I'm wondering these days if I'm pms-ing or just having one of my poor-me moments... because today all I could think of was how "all my teachers hated me""and "everybody in my class hates me". Those are usually signs that I'm too low... but I'm on so much friggin' medication I'd say that would be an impossibility. Sometimes I think I'm just one of those defeatus / negative people. That's why yesterday's word-of-the-day was RELATIVE. I have to keep reminding myself that my problems are no worse off that anybody else's... and that everybody has their own version of pain and loneliness... and that while being bipolar sucks, at least i'm not startving in Ethiopia(sp?) or walking the streets talking to myself because i'm an unmedicated schizophrenic and at least i can afford the drugs i need... and I really do have every opportunity to make anything I want of myself. I have to remind myself that I can't stand people who refuse to live up to their potential (like my brother) and that problems in life are not excuses to do nothing with your life.
So yeah, it's all relative.
cause beyond the walls that hold us here, skies that stretch across the end must fear, oh - a revolution is here!
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