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veritasfox (veritasfox) wrote,
@ 2004-02-13 17:45:00
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    Current mood: exanimate
    Current music:revolution song - fefe dobson

    Just woke up from my afternoon nap... don't usually nap in the afternoon but I was exhausted from all the work I did last night and all the sleep I didn't get. Rob is coming over at 8pm to watch movies and hang out. I told him I was in no mood to go out... He agreed. (Like he had a choice!) I'm wanting him here because I like his company among other things, but I've been in such a cranky mood all day that I'm afraid I'll scare him away. Oh well, he'll just have to learn early that I'm a strong-willed and emotional person. He'll just have to love me for it... or sadly, he can leave. Anyway, last night on the phone we had the V-day conversation. We agreed that it's way too early to be celebrating such a thing... so tonight is movie night and tomorrow night he will go to work as planned.

    I can't spare any time this weekend anyway. I have a term-paper due Monday that I haven't started yet... Haven't even gotten the research material. Not too worried about that. One of my old poli-sci texts will do for one source and then there's the net for a couple more sources and the class text... so I should be able to zip down to the public library tomorrow morning and find a 20th century philosophy text and be done with it. I really should own such a book because I am forever quoting Aristotle, Plato, Nitchzie(sp?), Sarte, and Kierkegard(sp?) in various essays and stories. So Sunday after I finish my paper... should I finish before midnight... Rob and I will go back to the same Starbucks where we met and have coffee.

    I'm wondering these days if I'm pms-ing or just having one of my poor-me moments... because today all I could think of was how "all my teachers hated me""and "everybody in my class hates me". Those are usually signs that I'm too low... but I'm on so much friggin' medication I'd say that would be an impossibility. Sometimes I think I'm just one of those defeatus / negative people. That's why yesterday's word-of-the-day was RELATIVE. I have to keep reminding myself that my problems are no worse off that anybody else's... and that everybody has their own version of pain and loneliness... and that while being bipolar sucks, at least i'm not startving in Ethiopia(sp?) or walking the streets talking to myself because i'm an unmedicated schizophrenic and at least i can afford the drugs i need... and I really do have every opportunity to make anything I want of myself. I have to remind myself that I can't stand people who refuse to live up to their potential (like my brother) and that problems in life are not excuses to do nothing with your life.

    So yeah, it's all relative.

    cause beyond the walls that hold us here, skies that stretch across the end must fear, oh - a revolution is here!

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2004-02-13 22:04 (link)
"Nietzsche was stupid and abnormal." - Leo Tolstoy

just a quote i've always laughed at.
one day when we become famous writers, we'll mock each other like that. me: "S doesn't know what she's talking about." you: "if there's an idiot in the room, more than likely it's T." stuff like that. :)

you're so right in your last paragraph. it's so easy to get caught up in our moods. and i think because we're so aware of them, it's hard to let them pass. i'm constantly over-analyzing my moods and what i'm feeling. in some way i'm glad that that's the least of my worries. i could be worrying about my moods while sleeping on the street.

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2004-02-14 12:34 (link)
i know exactly what you mean - most days i wish i had never been diagnosed because before i was, i didn't think much about my moods... i just assumed what i was going through was normal. now whenever i have an episode i not only feel crappy because of the mood but i also panic because i know it isn't normal to be feeling that way. so it really makes the problem worse, in a way.

yeah well - i've never been a big tolstoy fan. he can kiss me *insert body part here*. LOL. funny quote!

i look forward to the day when people will critique my work and say that i don't know anything about anything... it will be great! :P

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2004-02-14 01:30 (link)
Have a good time tonight my dear.. hope the movie is worth watching if you do. ;)


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2004-02-14 12:38 (link)
shanks :)

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