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I am sitting here typing this with a stuffy nose and a lethargic body. For the past week or so, I have been working in an infant classroom, picking up baby after baby, trying to soothe them, failing a lot of the time. Today is my last day of nannying. Since I have landed this new job, I have been thinking about the past year and a half I have spent with the Leite girls. These three small girls, Madeleine, Beatrice, and Josephine (I call her Josie), have practically been my adopted children for quite some time. I never really loved the nannying experience. Although I love each and every girl, I did not particularly like the pace and arhythmic beat of each day. Never knowing whose house I'm going to be at or if the father will be staying home that day was a major stress factor for me. Also, trying to come up with activities for them to do during the sometimes-nine-hour-stretches that I'd be with them was really tough. Most people would love to get paid 13 dollars under-the-table to sit around, eat other peoples' food, and watch tv. OF COURSE, I did much more than that, and of course, my days were not stress free. However, the pace of a nannying day is quite often fairly slow. Lots of time for leisure. I did not like this, considering I have an "A-type" personality and enjoy being busy. I like structure and knowing when I am leaving each day and where I am going to be. So naturally, I thought that switching back to the daycare routine would be a perfect solution to the restlessness, boredom, and frustration I was feeling with my nannying job. Also, I am in need of more cash and some benefits. I started my new job already, on the days that I have not been nannying. I have to say, I do not really like my job. The children are cute, but all of them are sick. I am sick, but still have to rush around for 9 hours tending to 8 children. The stress is through the roof, and I do not get to do fun activities with the children since they are barely able to stand or walk. These are the really young guys; I prefer toddler through pre-school age. I am actually over-joyed that today I am nannying, albeit my last day. I got to sleep an extra two hours this morning, which I desperately needed since I have been sick for almost a week. I get to spend time with children, whom I know I can handle. Whom I know that I am skilled with. Starting a new job, in a relatively new environment (really young babies are not my expertise), has made me feel inadequate for most of the hours I've spent there. Madeleine, Beatrice, and Josephine come to me for comfort. They stop crying when I soothe them. They talk to me to tell me what's wrong. And they love me. Perhaps in time, these "waddlers" I am now in charge of, will come to feel soothed by me as well. Luckily for me, the girls' parents still want me to be the weekend babysitter. I do love those girls, I just needed a change of pace and more cashflow. Now that I have a change of pace, I am fearful that I have made a mistake-- that this is not the job for me. But I keep reminding myself that I will get better at what I am doing, and that the days DO INDEED go by faster, even if I barely get a chance to eat or sit down. Jesse, my boyfriend, has recently become newly employed, himself. He is doing third-shift at Walmart, a job he is way OVER-qualified for. He hates it, naturally, as do I, because we aren't going to be seeing or hearing much of each other until he gets a new job, but we keep reminding ourselves that this is a step in the right direction, a start towards our goal: an apartment and some cash. We hope to have a place by June, so both of us working is an integral part of that goal. One thing I have learned about myself through these experiences is that I am abundantly optimistic. If there ever was a time for me to retain optimism, this surely is it. Even though I am leaving my beloved girls, and even though I am doing a job that I hate to admit I don't love, and even though Jesse is working night time hours, I have been able to see it in a positive way. Working with these infants is testing my patience. It is heping me to gain experience that I will surely need. The day really does go by faster, which is something I wanted. I am moving around the classroom a lot, and not stuffing my face all day long, which I had a tendency to do at my other job, so I am not intaking as much junkfood calories. And, I am still able to do yoga during the week. Also, Jesse is not going to be at his job forever. As soon as he can, he is going to become recertified to be a CNA and he will have a new job and some medical insurance. And hopefully, in no time, we will be able to rent our first apartment together and I will be out of my house. Things have never really been a piece of cake for me. I am used to enduring hardships. I am used to not getting exactly what I want. I think that mindset actually helps me to push through yucky situations without giving up easily. I've never walked out on a job, I've never just not shown up. I have always persevered, and I will persevere through this as well. I want to eventually be in a toddler room, which I think is achievable. I won't be where I am indefinitely. A new job brings with it new stresses, but it holds the potential to bring with it new joys as well.
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