| Current mood: |  pensive |
| Current music: | You Only Get What You Give - by the New Radicals |
A Few Words on Mediocrity
Inspired by the New Radical’s, You Only Get What You Give, which is currently playing on my itunes, and by my recent practices in yoga and knowledge expedition of Buddhism and Taoism, I am writing this blog today.
I have written in the past month about how although I am practicing yoga on a regular basis, I cannot help noticing that I’ve felt more depressed and been a more angry person than I’ve been in a long time. These behaviors and my practices seem to contradict one another.
Only recently have I been reading more in-depth about Buddhism and the background of Yoga as well as Taoism. I have read some in the past about Buddhism, but not nearly enough, and I own the Tao Te Ching, but it is comprised of sayings that, although self-explanatory and sagacious, never allowed me to comprehend the basis of what Tao really is.
I learned that Lao Tzu only wrote the Tao Te Ching because the guard at the Himalayan border, who was also a disciple, wouldn’t let him pass until he wrote a book about all that he had learned. Lao Tzu was going to the Himalayas to die alone, because he believed that one should be alone when he passed, and only wrote the Tao Te Ching to appease the disciple and enter the Himalayas. He warns at the beginning of the Tao Te Ching that one can never understand the Tao by reading the Tao. “The Tao that can be told of is not the absolute Tao.”
Since I am reading about the Tao, I have recognized that I still do not possess the true understanding that can only come with experience, but it is starting to unravel itself to me, and it is not unknown. The Tao seemingly is what I’ve known inherently all this time.
Nevertheless, it has inspired me to take a look at my life and reexamine the ways in which I’ve been behaving and thinking. I have been upset lately with the conditions of my place of residence, which happens to be with my dad and step-mom. The things they have said and done to me since I was young, the disrespectful ways in which they still treat me like I’m fifteen. The list goes on. But what I’ve also recognized is how I’ve handled them treating me poorly. I’ve gone over the edge. I am filled with hatred, grudges, meanness, and anger. I want revenge. I want to ignore them. I don’t want to be nice. Not that I’ve necessarily put all these thoughts into practice; but I have thought them. Which is just as bad.
The Eightfold Path (of Buddhism) explains that we must abstain from foul language, cheating, stealing, and lying. I have found myself swearing more since I stopped going to church. More than I would like to. I take care of children, so my swearing only occurs around adults and never in the presence of children, but it still disgusts me. I tell white lies sometimes. I feel anger towards people who have hurt me, because I tend to be somewhat of a pushover in the workplace as well as at home.
On a seemingly less damaging scale (but probably more dangerous than any other facet of my behavior), I have been filling my mind and eyes with media at every turn. I used to pride myself in the knowledge that I rarely ever watched television. I certainly never turned it on to keep me company at night like I find myself doing all the time now, because I can’t sleep.
I have been watching shows primarily from VH1 and MTV, as well as fashion-related shows on TLC. They seem so harmless, especially because they are so mainstream in society and fully accepted. I also do not realize how much of them I watch sometimes, because they are intermixed with shows from the History and Discovery channel.
Realizing these shows cause unhappiness in me, due to constantly sizing myself up to the appearance of others, and feeling stress due to whom is fighting with whom on Real World, etc., I know that it is not mentally healthy for me, or anyone else.
Last night I asked Jesse why someone like me, someone who seems to have a naturally inherent ability to understand things not of this world with ease, someone who has always considered herself to be more self-actualized than many of those around her, why would someone like me purposely make myself mediocre by watching television in my free time, thus becoming obsessed with the material world? He replied that he’s thought the same thing about himself. So, I told him I am making a pact with myself to watch less television. Ultimately, I would like to reduce it to nothing, but I still like the shows Scrubs and Futurama, so I have allowed myself those two shows, as well as the Discovery and History channel if I absolutely cannot sleep. But no more VH1, no more MTV.
If you look, my Myspace profile says I refuse to be mediocre. Lately, I think that I have not been doing my part to live up to my own expectations. The media seems like such a small way to try to clear my mind, thus making myself more susceptible to becoming “awakened”, but it is probably the most damaging thing I can think of that threatens our society because of its seemingly innocuous nature. It’s just entertainment, right? Unfortunately, the media, in all forms, has brainwashing capabilities. Everything we think and say stems from what society has taught us. Just the fact that we look for mates to marry and procreate with is a result of our human history. You may argue that it’s biology, and you’d be right, but only partially. The urge to procreate and be close to others is indeed biological, but the institution of marriage obviously isn’t. I’m not against marriage, I am just saying that most of society does not challenge these normalties of life; they merely accept them as the way it is.
I march to the beat of a different drum. It may make this reality that society has created more difficult for me, but I take pride in striving to pass mediocrity.
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