|Current mood:|| determined|
|Current music:||"Softball song"...because we can't think of the title...|
Dazed and Proud?
So recently I have decided to go to Gay Pride with my friend. She is going to be in Minneapolis for a wedding and it just happened to be the same weekend as Gay Pride, and somewhere along the line I was invited and bing bang boom, I'm going to a wedding and Gay Pride Twin Cities. Well, I can't help thinking how out of place I'm going to feel. I've never really considered myself "proud" of my sexuality. I accept it as a part of myself, but I've never really had the urge to wave a flag about it. Now, I have decided to go because regardless of whether or not I've wanted to do it or not, or whether I'll be uncomfortable, I think that it will be a growing experience. I will most likely feel extremely out of place and very vulnerable, and I can only learn and grow from it.
I'm not an effeminate man so it has always been hard to convince people I'm gay. I have actually asked guys out and they get pissed because they think I'm a straight guy playing a prank on them. The good thing is, by going to Pride, I'm gay by default! My goal is to have at least ten guys ask me to dance... I will most likely turn most of them down, but it's a goal none-the-less.
So, for now I'm content with knowing that I'm forcing myself to challenge my boundaries and the put myself where I would have never seen myself a year ago or even a month ago. I just hope that Gay Pride will be different from all my other experiences with the gay community in that I will be considered attractive. My entire life, I've been the frumpy guy that is cute "once you get to know him". I want people to find me attractive. It would only make sense. I've lost sixty-seven pounds since graduation one year ago and I've been working out. Someone in Minneapolis should think I'm a sexpot right? So here's hoping...
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