Un4givenOne (un4givenone) wrote, @ 2009-07-10 14:38:00

what now?
How to move on from here? I'm not sure how.

I ask for suggestions and I get "take the phone cords and computer cord when you leave". Uhh what if I have an accident and need to call home? I then can't call because I have the fucking phone cord!!! Besides I shouldn't HAVE TO TAKE ANYTHING ANYWHERE!

To stay, go or make him leave?? To try this one more time, or not? To cut my losses and run with it?

So many factors to consider. The baby (well she is 4) but still our baby together, sadly she is semi-aware of all thats happening. I heard her walking through the house with her toy cell phone saying..."first you click on pictures then you hit details, and it tells you when it was taken".) I cringed. I don't or didn't want her to have these sort of childhood memories. Every since I brought this to K's attention he yells if I mention anything in front of the girls. SOmetimes I can't help myself. I am so consumed with feelings, hurt , anger ,betrayal, I am disguted when I climb into the family Jeep knowing Im sitting in the spot this nasty whore sat baring her pussy and her tits as my husband snapped off pics on a dead cell phone!

Problem is I do still love him. There is no easy answer. I can not trust him. That part is shattered at the moment. I want to claw his eyes out sometimes for making me suffer. For ruining my self esteem. For making me look so fucking foolish!

I want to kick the shit out of the little 29 year old home wrecking whore! I want to pluck every bleached blonde hair out of her head!! I want to drive to the unit and ask for the cowardly bitch !! If I cant kick her ass, I want her to know I was there!!! I want to publicly humilate her!! Mutilation would be preferable. I thought of visiting the unit with the cell in hand.. and showing anyone who walked in or out the pictures. I thought of printing the pictures off and distributing them. Or plastering them all over the web!! But whores love attention she would simply be getting free advertising on my part, so she could sit back and cry and pretend to be one of lifes victims.

Tired of sitting here watching my life go to hell... I want results!! Action!!

K has said he is done with the bullshit. But didn't I hear this before? Haven't I been hearing this for 5 months now? He has asked for forgivness once again. He has said he doesn't want her. He says it was an ego stroking thing. She made him feel younger. He is almost 41 she is 29. He liked the attention. Im 44, Im not going to compete with anyone, let alone some young girl! And certainly not for the affection and or attention of my own husband? Im tired of being the detective. Yet if I can't trust him to stay off our home phone while I am away how do I trust him to leave for work? These are all questions I have asked K. He had no real answers, except take the cords with you.

I keep waiting for answers. I keep waiting to see how he is going to prove his true feelings. Other then saying the words and watching the girls while I slept all day yesterday I haven't seen it. Tell me whats the plan???
Because Im still so very hurt, so very confused and so very sad inside.

jazmine0116 2009-07-12 10:10 (link)

my God...i've only read this one entry, but i can tell you without reading any of the others, that what you're going through is awful. Matter of fact, awful doesn't even come close to describing how horrifying this situation is... and also at 22 years old, i've been there too...Thank God i never married him (i was damn close too..)...but it makes my stomach turn even to this day, to think of the women and the lies and the betrayal...it's so hard. i know. but from one scarred woman to another, please do what is best for you. I too have children to consider...but my kids are better off not having to deal with the arguements, and distrust and all the negative energy..it's just not healthy for them. I want them to have successful relationships and i feel like it's my responsibility to lead by example. I wish i could write more..but i have to run to a meeting. if i could hug you i would...just be strong. and i beg of you...just do what's best for YOU. you won't regret it. (Reply to this) (Thread)