|Current mood:|| pessimistic|
|Current music:||Christina Aguilera|
Break me down
Ah..! The whole world is like out to get me or something. I swear. Everyone but Jenni, Melissa, JC, Chris, Alisha and some others. I can't take it anymore.
I saw him in the halls today. We looked eachother right in the eye then he simply looked away without saying anything to me. Ah. What the hell? Someone says that we're going out and suddenly he can't even say hi to me. That's bull shit. I don't need people like that. Fuck them.
Doug came with JC and I to Best Buy today. He was so mopey and what not. All he did was put down the CDs I was buying and I just don't know. I want to be his friend, I want to be there for him, I just can't do it. I'm sorry, but when yoe break up with someone of a year and a half you can't magically be friends. Hello? I know I threw him away, I know I lost him. I don't want to sound like a bitch or anything, but the whole point of breaking up is to get away from that person. I do, I swear I do love him to death but when he still calls me every night, talks me to, and puts guilt on me, I feel as if nothing at all has changed and it's just not working. I wish things between us could have been fixed, but they can't, they just can't. I'm sorry with all my heart.
He thinks I don't care...How can I move on so fast? Obviously, I can't...I'm sorry. I just can't be myself right now. I'm so confused. Jenni, she understands things...well at least I think she does. I'm so happy that she's been there for me all this time. I really need to do something nice for her. I don't do nice things like that much. Even a thank you card would make her smile. I know today when Tracy gave me a thank you card for helping her out, it made me smile, then want to cry because I know that I've helped someone that much and it really did mean something to them. So yes, I need to make Jenni a thank you card.
I had this crazy dream last night. I was at this play, I don't know which one with a really pretty girl, she was my best friend, I don't know who she is though. Anyway, after the play ended all the cast memebers sat under these signs with their characters name and their real names. We were going around telling everyone how great they all did. The girl I was with was flirting with one of the hot guys, the lead one in the play. I walked over by them and the guy couldn't even finish his sentence. He just stared at me in...amazement...? Right as the girl was about to give him her phone number, he pulled me over and on a dollar bill wrote his phone number down. I has this huge smile on my face. Then an alarm went off and I woke up....with a smile on my face. Through all of this crap, the dream really made me feel special...although I'm sure it would never come true, but still...it made me hope...i continue to dream.
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wow...didn't know you were writing again. i talked to him yesterday, basically all day. and well, he claims that you're the one not talking to him and yadda yadda. he said she said bullshit. it's a big mess i tell ya...but i'm here for you kellie, i'm not out to get you. i don't think doug is down because you broke up with him, i think it's the other stuff that's getting to him. i mean shit happens yah, he knows this, he's just adjusting i guess. plus he isn't happy at the whole kiss idea. which is understandable. please don't be mad at zac, he's doing you a favor in a way. like last year when he "liked" me and we "dated". it was way too soon cuz of him and ashley and it blew up in our faces, we didn't talk for weeks, and it's still not 100% better between us. he didn't want that to happen to you and him, so he stopped it before it repeated itself. he has good intentions. it's hard to explain, but i get where he's coming from. i dunno, i thought maybe if i explain it since it happened to me it might sound better...don't think it worked. well ne way, i'm here if you need me, and i luv you ever so much.|
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