Glamously Repulsive (twiztdheart) wrote, @ 2004-02-23 21:43:00

Current mood:

crappy

And as if breaking my heart and destorying the last happiness I ever had was not enough... torture me with a piece of shit note of being unloved and without my friendship. How low could you possibly go. You did not even have enough guts to tell me. My gosh how hard is it for you to just talk to me. Just leave me there on my doorstep with a note of how horrible you feel and how i do not care. Like you fucking know. You know nothing. You think this journal lets you in on all of my feelings about this shit? It most certainly does not. I cannot believe this. Leave me there. Stir up all of these damn emotions I have still left inside of my itty bruise heart. What? Do you want me to kill myself, because you are doing the best job at making me feel so horrible and sad and completly unhappy. Seriously I am just tired of crying. What do you expect me to do? You do not talk to me for days and just bounce on me like everything is fine. The unresolved issues we had during that hell are still within me. Afraid. Thats all i get from you. "I'm afraid. I was afraid to come over and cried." what the hell are you afraid of? As if i could hate you when you say something. You have said nothing to me for the entire month and I hate you. Such shittiness you have done to me. You are just so selfish. Have you ever thought about how all of this made me feel? How you ever considered for a fact that I did love you and what you did sent me through a loop.

Yes, i am being a person that says one thing and does another. Until you learn to be a human being, I reverse to let you even be near me. Because, you are killing me. I am dying. And you will not stop. You have yet to come over to have our talk. That shows exactly how much you care about the situation. I am tired of the excuses of being afraid and am tired of your carelessness. Get over your deal and your pietiful excuses.

Sadly enough I do care. Hopefully you will just kill me and end this stupid shit.

	(Anonymous) 2004-02-24 16:13 (link)
	...every time i do come over...we dont talk. thats the problem. you avoid the subject. when YOUR ready for everything, then fucking tell me. please. i just want to be friends again. thats ALL. PLEASE! (Reply to this) (Thread)

	twiztdheart 2004-02-24 16:57 (link)
	Uh huh, like you ever brought it up. I am ready for everything and I've been through every piece of shit you did to me. Just how dare you. You never came over for that shit talk. Afraid as always. I doubt you will come to discuss this shit too. I doubt you. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	(Anonymous) 2004-02-24 22:07 (link)
	how can you say i never came over and brought it up? all you kept saying was "so....how are you?...thats nice...uh huh" i've been waiting. and now i'm waiting for you to set up a date for this. not like you acctually WANT to see me or talk to me...sorry.. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

twiztdheart 2004-02-25 16:40 (link)

Oh don't you start by saying that shit. That was a completely different time, at a time i actually like worried about hurting you. Now, It is completely different. And at the moment I am so pissed off at you, I don't want to see you and I don't care if this ever gets resolved because its been a shitty ride, why would i stay or get back on. Even if we did become friends, I could never be the same ever again. And sorry, but that just sucks. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

twiztdheart 2004-02-25 21:10 (link)

You know what, never mind. I thought about this, alone in my head. I think for the best, we shouldn't try to be friends. I'm not so sure if a talk would ever clear anything up. There would always be haterd from my part and perhaps frustration from yours because of my personality towards everything. I can somewhat forgive you, but I can never be on the same level with you without feeling paranoid. Maybe one day we will be friends, but it doesn't seem like today will be that day. It might seem unfair of me to make this decision, but alas you were never there to bring up your part. I must tell you, I might have ignored you, but don't ignore anyone as much as you ignored me throughout the weeks. And yes you have and thats one of the reason I have been hurt. You made me feel so worthless and undeserving of your precise time. Never let any of your friends feel that way. Its painful. well, this is goodbye and I say this upon a computer screen because your not there. Goodbye (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

(Anonymous) 2004-02-25 23:26 (link)

through all the hateful things you just said, the only thing i'm paying attention to, is when you said "we may be friends one day, but not today". good. thats all i want. i want to be friends. i know it will never be the same again..but still i want to try. have you ever thought of why i was so scared to talk to you? there had to have been a reason..right? there had to have been something you did or said..and there was. i cant help it..you know how i feel about myself and you intimidate me and i feel really worthless and undeserving compared to you. so we both felt what each other felt about each other. (if that made ANY sense) i'm sorry for all this shit. but its obvious we made a bad bad click during that hurricane and we never should have carried on with it. maybe time away without communication, or maybe little NICE communication will help? i dont want to be hated by you forever. i love you. love doesent go away. ever. i'm sorry to say that, and i know you dont want to hear it. but i dont care if you made the decision, thats what i want. i want you do make everything to your liking. hell, if you said you wanted me to kill myself at 3:42 am on some odd day, i would. whatever makes you happy. i've hurt you, i never noticed. you hurt me, you never noticed. i feel horrible for what i've done to you. you are such a wonderful person and you deserve the best of friends and relationships, and i am obviously neither. just..dont hate me forever. please? thats the only thing killing me right now, i dont care if you dont care about how i feel, i dont care if you dont want to be friends, i dont care if you freakin' go out with my mom! ok? just..dont hate me forever. heh...I'm sorry. Goodbye. (ps. sorry for writing all this in your journal. your never online and you dont wanna see me..so..this is my last resort) (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)