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Not insightful enough to be meta, not enough curse words to be a rant, despite the name
La Smut Rant!, by Twinkledru J.: noisy, smartass, egotistical BNF-in-training (esq.)
LORD OF THE RINGS CHARACTERS HAVING SEX.
Look, I said it. And look, I'm still sitting here at home with a diet Coke, bored and mildly irritated. Not lightning bolt. No backward messages in blood on the walls that only make sense when I see them in the mirror. No vengeful ghost of Tolkien.
Why is the LotR fandom so afraid of smut? Why are we so freaking embarassed of this topic, that we feel a need to justify a single sex scene with pages upon pages of the Love That Will Never Die?
People?
Get over yourselves.
Seriously. What, you think that the Powers That Be don't know about fanfiction? Look, if Robin McKinley (and this is nothing against her; Beauty was one of my favorite books growing up, but she hasn't permeated our culture the way Tolkien has) can throw a hissy fit about fic involving her characters, what do you think is stopping the sundry and powerful lawyers who represent the LotR franchise? Do you really think they don't know about it? Fic has garnered a fair bit of media attention in the past few years. Fen have brought RPS to the attention of the stars. These people do know that fanfiction exists, and they know that sexually explicit fanfiction exists.
They're not letting it exist because you aren't writing NC-17. They're letting it exist because they would alienate a large part of the fan base, people who see the movies and buy the movies and buy the merchandise by shutting it down. Sad but true.
Get over yourself. You're not going to be crucified by Tolkien's heirs' lawyers because you wrote a story about Legolas in a cheerleader costume, bent over a table and getting buggered by Aragorn.
Is it because it's based on a book? Is this some shit about the sanctity of the written word? Okay, there's plenty of fic out there that's strictly in the movie-verse, folks. Some people just look at the movie-verse as being an AU fanfic with a really big budget. Have you seen the actors in the film? Just try to tell me that it doesn't give you the slightest little happy to think about a couple of them -- any two you like, male, female, hobbit, dwarf, elf, human, ent, orc, whatever -- sweaty and naked and in flagrante delicto. Just try.
And also, while we're on the sanctity of the written word point? If Thamiris can write NC-17 God/Lucifer slash and not get smited, I think it's safe to say you can write that NC-17 Merry/Pippin romp you've been thinking about, the one with the handcuffs.
What, are you afraid that the other fen will make fun of you? Kids, if you're in this game for the approval of your peers, you probably suck bad enough that no one's going to care what you write. Seriously. If you're doing this because all the cool kids are doing it, you're doing it for entirely the wrong reasons. Get over yourself. Fandom isn't going to collapse in on itself just because you wrote smut.
I get that smut ain't everyone's bag. That's cool. And if you're one of those people who just isn't interested, that's cool too. But if you're just not writing down your lovely little naughty thoughts because you're scared of what the other kids will say, or some divine wrath, or lawyers? Get the fuck over yourself. Seriously. I hate to break it to you, but there are more important things going on in the universe than your fannish activities, and the Powers in the universe (legal, divine, or BNF) have better things to do than smack you down just because you wrote porn.
Really. Get over yourself. I have a massive ego, but even I realize that -- gasp -- fandom can survive without me! I'm also well aware that as good as my writing may or may not be, it's not going to change the world, so I might as well just have fun with it and write what calls to me. Life's too short for false delusions and pretentions; I'm in this in part because looking at Sean Bean makes me very happy in a variety of ways.
I might think highly of myself, but at the same time, I realize that not everyone out there thinks as highly of me as I do. I also realize that life's too short for me to try to make everyone like me -- and that as great as I may be, the world isn't going to explode just because I have naughty thoughts from time to time.
Get over yourselves. Write the fucking...fucking. I guarantee you, not only will you not cause the world to explode, it might just get you more attention.
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