why am i NOT good enough to be with him?
WOW its been a while. I think since Halloween. Um since then hte only thing that sticks out is i got my NIPPLES pierced!!! OUCh OMFG it hurt.
Geez lifes been crazy, and emotional rollar coaster.
Its been fun tho. Ive been doing alot, pretty much the same shit but some more. I went to the panthers game last friday with JOEY, NICK, and Cali CHRIS. that was SO much fun. I havent had so much fun ever in my life. those are the coolest guys. We meet up with chadelles afterwards. we went to laudys house, drank and hung out till like 4:30 in the morning.
Saturday my life went down the shitter. guys are gay and very confusing. but from what i did realize, i DO like chad ALOT! and i think he likes me, b/c he told me, but who knows. i was doing fine until dana HAD to talk to him, and im not mad at her, but it was non of her buisness, and i wish she never said anything, b/c im worse now then i was even close to before. i cant stop crying, i just want to die. and i feel i have no one any more. ive drifted some much from everyone, and since dana and kt are butt buddies and shit i have no one now. i just wanna die. i dont know why i like him, i just do, and its SO confusing now, i dont know what to think or who to trust. i just want everything back to normal when chad and i were JUST friends, and megan was my best friend, and that was all i needed and had. shes the only person i ever felt i could trust completely besides jamie. i miss them so much. but its so hard to see your 2 best friends when both of their parents dont liek you, and its sucks. i miss you two SOOOO much. i wish i had you guys right now with me, to talk to and help me.
I cant stop crying.
I wish kt would stop calling me, and leave me alone, i wish i was a good student, i wish for once i could make my mom proud, and say "thats my daughter" and feel so proud of me. I wish i could be So bueatiful, and and stop crying, i wish megans parents didnt hate me, i wish i was nicere or loveable, or more like jamie. i wish she could relazie all the potential she has and realzie how prtetty she was. I wish i could realzie it, and love myself. I wish everyone got along. I wish chad did like me and this sad label of whatever kind of a "relationship" we have could be easier. I wish i was like all the other pretty girls in my class. Had their bodies and pretty faces, and wonderful smiles. I wish i wasnt me. I wish my parents are together, and i have a wonderful family, my younger sisters who i wish i could fight with all the time, and then fall alseep on the couch watching tv with. (we alwasy do it) I wish i had acar so i could drive my fat ass outta her, i wish my mom trusted me, i wish i had a job, i wish all these wishes could come true, and id be the happiest girl on the planet.
OK well i have to go dry my tears alone, and try to sleep and not think of what a loser i am. i havent felt this bad in a while, and it sucks. i feel as if nothing will get better. help me please
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