.toxic (toxic36cf) wrote, @ 2004-09-05 22:31:00

Current mood:	crappy
Current music:	shinedown: .45

. . .feelings are overrated
..i just wish that for one day, just 24 hours...-sigh-
its hard to explain, i guess. . i dont know why i want to just be without feeling. ..i dont want to feel anything, nothing good, nothing bad. . .i dont want to feel loved, or hurt, or happy, or sad, or anything else. ..i just want to walk around..i dont even want to feel numb...
that movie, equilibrium...they didnt feel.. .i want that.

im messed up....its obvious to my friends, less obvious to my "family" . ..i just have way too much going on right now...too many people to keep happy, too many problems weighing me down, too many stories to keep straight. .im at yet another breaking point, and i dont know what i can do to help myself. i dont even know if i want to help myself anymore. . .
im so fucking frustrated. this is unreal. ..i need too many things, too many people...why do i have to make everything about me?.. ..my needing, thats why i cant deal with myself anymore. .im too needy, too picky, too depressed, too angry, too...just too everything.
maybe i just need, no...i dont "need"...i cant "need". ..maybe i should just rest, have some alone time for awhile....i say that like im not already alone..im very alone now...it seems like even my thoughts have abandoned me...
the thoughts i have left are jumbled and confused. ..im not making sense.. . im gonna go take a break from...myself
-->toxic

	my poor lady! (Anonymous) 2004-09-06 03:40 (link)
	i got to your journal very carefully. ..(you left the address on my pc, so i had to check it out).. im so very sorry that things are shitty for ya lately. just remember, that we all love you, no matter what you want to feel. :damon (Reply to this) (Thread)

what he said master_dig 2004-09-06 03:47 (link)

Exactly what Damon says. .You are loved no matter how you choose to feel. Weird how we (Damon and myself) are both online and posting comments to you, and you aren't. . We need our Kim time too, you know? I'm sorry that your week with me sucked dick, even though it seems like you didn't write about it because it pissed you off so much that you put it out of your mind. . I hope I didn't bring it up and cause you pain. Rex wont ever be a problem again. I'm sorry I failed at being your bodygaurd and let him hurt you. Never again, and that's a promise. -smooch- I love you! -Blake (Reply to this) (Thread)