|Current mood:|| cranky|
|Current music:||Back in Black- AC/DC|
I'm so fucking frustrated and pissed off right now! No ones online to talk to. Amarillas in North Carolina and she wont be back until Tuesday or Wenesday, Allison is somewhere at a funeral and wont be back until Sunday, and Jason is somewhere snowboarding with his friend and wont be back until Tuesday. The distant family came over today and it was retarted. I locked myself up in my room, and sat at my desk with my sketch book...i couldnt draw. Whatever i would start to draw would look like shit and then i would get even more pissed off. Something that really made me think is how a while ago when i told Adam that i tried to commit suicide, he said i shouldnt because i would miss out on everything like waking up Christmas morning and going to the front to see all of the presents, thats such a good feeling. But this year...i didnt care. The feeling wasnt there. I dont think thats good. I want to tell Adam but he'll think of something to make it out like im just older...but i think it's more then that. Something else thats making me upset is that i havent been outside in two days. Tomorrow i'm going to stores to return stuff and then going to Union to see who's there. I miss Jason. I wonder if he thinks about me...I'm gaining weight. I'm paranoid. I'm in such a horrible mood right now. I feel like i have no one, even though i do. Like at home i dont feel like i belong. Yes i have Union...but i dont know...its weird i just feel... unwanted i guess. I dont know. I wish Jason were here so i could talk to him. He's nice to talk to. Well i'm going to go sit and be grumpy. Happy nondenominational gift giving day to all and to all a good night... or lack there of.
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