Just call me Hazel Eye (thespaz) wrote, @ 2003-02-23 01:22:00

Current mood:	sick
Current music:	um I can't breathe or hear so...nothing?

Is this even close?
"Your personality score is
38/50
what does that mean?
Others see you as an exciting, highly volatile, rather impulsive personality; a natural leader, who's quick to make decisions, though not always the right ones. They see you as bold and adventuresome, someone who will try anything once; someone who takes chances and enjoys an adventure. They enjoy being in your company because of the excitement you radiate."

This is a joke right? I mean I do not have an impulsive personality and I'm not even quick to make decisions, did I answer the questions wrong? Well I guess it kind of depends on when you take it... So life right now is kinda same old same old. Got the worst score I've ever gotten on a math test (63%)- my excuse, it was my birthday I couldn't concentrate :) Luckily we get to drop a test, that lights a fire under my ass to actually start trying. I don't know what has gotten into me lately but I put off everything, I don't do my homework, I don't read the texts, I don't do anything beyond practice with the team, and I hardly work (20 hours a week at the most) so where the fuck does all the time go? It's sad because last year I was balancing school and softball and doing great in both, now I can't hit worth a s*** and I never study- I guess college takes some getting used to. So I've decided to get this show on the road and actually start setting goals for myself, I do this a lot and it never seems to work. Maybe if I write them down? Oh who knows. I'm feeling kinda expressive right now so I'm gonna drop a name- Joe. I met him on the internet over a year ago, we started out just talking and stuff, he seemed to drift, I wrote a goodbye letter saying I enjoyed the trip but it seemed like we had lost it. He appears out of no where and all of a sudden we're buddy buddy again. We talked a lot over summer (expecting that I'd be going away) and when I didn't, we talked even more. At the time he lived in Pennsylvania, but later his job took him to good old California (an 8 hour drive, an hour flight away) and we actually started talking about meeting. Being the chicken that I am I didn't know if I would actually go through with it, I did (December 27th), it was awkward but fun :) It's so different meeting someone in person, it's like you know them, but you don't, weird. So after all that I think he became kind of attached and I, well I'm just confused. It's like he expects me to say things and be open with him but something holds me back. Part of his last letter "I know that
I want to continue being your friend and growing in our friendship, but lately I have been wanting more then just your friendship, I think I have been wanting your companionship, which is probably totally unrealistic at
this point in time, so I guess I get frustrated." I don't know what to say to that! Sometimes I wonder what I have gotten myself into. Well that's all I have to say about that. So I would say this journal entry went ok...kind of feels good to say things in the (semi)open. By the way I still haven't gotten my ticket information in the mail, does that mean I don't have to pay! CHP sucks...which reminds of something not to say to a cop if he asks "your eyes look red, have you been drinking?" don't respond with "your eyes looked glazed, have you been eating donuts?" And with that, goodbye.

directdarkness 2003-02-23 17:00 (link)

thespaz speaks? WOW! I am a fan of this open forum of communication. You know that you are our highly volatile leader and we've been meaning to discuss with you the impulsive personality you posess, but no one has decided who was going to tell you because we can't make desicions without you. We (I think I have support on this one) don't want to hear any more 63% scores coming out of your camp. What type of motivational therapy would you like so that these scores can take an upward swing into the mid 80-high 90%? Joe-- you know what you want but sometimes it's hard to go through with it. Is he worth the time? Would you enjoy spending time with him on a regular basis? There are a thousand questions to ask one's self when entertaining the prospect of a companion. Does everyone go through those thousand questions before embracing someone/something new? No. Sometimes, though, something that is 63% right-- can actually be a 99% right in the amount we learn about ourselves and how we realate to people in the world and the world itsself. If Joe would a good addition to thespaz files... Lets go forward. If Joe would drag that 63% to a 47% lets keep Joe in a seperation of space. If thespaz needs or wants someone close to her and would find great thrill in being close to someone lets start slow but live and learn who Joe is what Joe likes to do when he has stomach pains and enjoy. Joe also needs to be ready and his letter is a beginning. ME (Reply to this) (Thread)