| Current mood: | disappointed |
| Current music: | Lifehouse |
I think I've suffered about 3 nervous breakdowns in my life- When I failed my driver's license test which was just one of a number of events that spurred that one; Lexington Weekend, when I saw Gregg and realized that he would never be with me, nor did he have any desire to be; and today when Katie talked to Jason- again. This is what always happens. She just broke up with her fiance! Her FIANCE people! She's already up to her old tricks! She's a man-stealer. She has to have every guy on the planet- never mind that I might be interested in him. She did the same thing with Clint when Leigh was going out with him. It was Clint this and Clint that. "Clint will you re-pierce (yes, ladies and gentlemen I said re-pierce!) my bellybutton?" "Clint, do you have feelings for me?" She is horribe! I don't think she has a soul! Does she realize how much she hurts people?! And I just think of Dave and how he faithfully still calls her everynight and I just feel sorry for him. I want to shake him and say:"Wake up!!" I can't believe she had the nerve to go to Clint's wedding too..yeah what a "best friend" she is to Leigh..
So anyway she says to Jason.." You're really an artist," or something alone those lines....Aren't I the one who said stuff like that too him? I mean I'm constantly saying how talented he is and how great he is!? Well, that's it- no more stroking his ego!! If he wants Katie that's sure as hell fine with me. I can get practically any guy I want-I hope he realizes that. Okay, so that isn't true...but I mean I could find another guy if I wanted technically! Who cares- women use men to define them too much anyway! I dont' need any stupid loser guy to define me- I'm fine on my own!!
I'm just so dissapointed with myself. I can't believe I told him it bothered me that she flirted with him..I feel so stupid. He probably thinks I'm this clingy, whiny girl...and I'm not..I really am not.. It's just everytime I express my feelings- it just gets thrown back in my face...I might as well just forget him.. I always screw up everything
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 | So this is what I am thinking.......................... 
(Anonymous)
2003-09-24 14:41
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Just to start this off... you were right the first time you can get any guy you want, and not only that but when you want him anyway. Your also right that katie is backstabbing and so forth and so on, but whats that going to solve, nothing. What you need to do is hate her less and love her more and maybe you will realize why she is the way she is and quite possibly help her become a better person. and Yes I do realize this sounds really farfetched in your moments of anger... Cause I know I would be totally against this idea if it were me. But I am not telling you to do it today.. or tomorrow or anything I just want you to be able to calm yourself down and get over your anger so you can make the situation better.
I can't believe that you would let something like this make you dissapointed in yourself. You should not be dissapopointed by yourself, You are awesome Cara and if he can't see it then he needs to wake up and smell the roses cause he needs to jump on the bandwagon before he loses you. There is never anything wrong with expressing your feelings. As long as you do it properly., you have to make sure you say your point and put it in terms that the person will understand for what it is and not what it could be like..... like whiny or possessive or what have you...... and I know you like him, and alot at that! Don't give up on him. I know why you want to give up on him, and its cause hes not reassuring you there is something left to work for. But there is, Guys don't need as much reassurance in the relationship to trust it like girls do, so they do not understand that they have to assure the girl. I promise you, you just have to risk it all thats the only way you will ever truelly know!! I wish you all the love in the world cara and I will continue to pray for you.... Just remember to never give up on life when you still have so much to give!!!!!
Love Always and Forever
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