Road Way
If the road I have been on has led me to this place, then perhaps it's time for me to quit questioning the direction I've taken. Change has always been bittersweet for me, an admitted creature of habit. But for as much as I resist change, I also welcome it and the core-shaking nature inherent in transition. A suppression of emotions and acknowledgements led me to a massive "nervous breakdown" back in July/August. When I hit rock bottom and felt lost in the abyss, I also looked up from that rotten, fuckshit place and realized that I placed myself there. I rallied, and rallied hard as fuck, pulling myself up and out of that place of pathetic weakness, back to something resembling appreciation for being alive. For anyone who has been there, you can understand the difficulty in picking yourself up, dusting yourself off, and beginning anew.
Falling into that emotional hole was just what I needed. It was a reminder. It was a reminder of the value of life and the benefit of a positive outlook. Even as my life couldn't get any easier, I allowed myself to backstep into a deadfall. I had to learn how to stand up again. I was reminded of how easy it is for someone who (unnaturally) battles their status quo to succumb to the trials of life-changing events. Sometimes I feel as if I'm not built for this, this ever present intention to challenge complacency. Then I remember one simple fact: I have ONE shot at this life.
So this is how a hardcore street urchin willingly trades in his Gibsons for the manly comfort of pull-on boots. Oh, this is not to be confused with a hit to character, but rather a refinement of sorts. I have not given up on where I came from. I have simply aged, matured, and opened myself up to another facet of living. I can honestly say that I am very different from the person I was ten years ago, and have become content with the fact that the next ten years could easliy hold even more change. I've learned to embrace my place, physically, geographically, and emotionally. I'm figuring out how to age gracefully, an increasingly difficult transition for the modern man who has become reliant on advertised experience, rather than that which builds him up from within. I'm more of a fan of manhood now that I ever really was. I'm opening myself up to the things that forge and mill me rather than stamp and mass produce me. Sure, some of these things are considered politically incorrect by today's standards, but that's precisely why I will embrace them fiercely. This is why I saunter down the road less travelled. It took me this far. Why turn now?
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