blah blah blah
Well, for anyone who actually cares (basically, no one) or who has been reading this thing for a while (again, no one) I finally told my ex to leave me alone. I'm really gonna try to stick with it this time and not call or see him. I really need to just move on. I told him nicely that I needed to move on from him and blah blah. He didnt' take it so well, but he understands that I don't want him in my life anymore. I just feel absolutely horrible for hurting him. I know he hurt me, and he really has no right to control what I do or say, but I think it's partially because I'm scared of him and scared of what he's capable of doing. I just hope I never run into him again. The last time I tried to stop contacting him, he found me. And I just about had a nervous breakdown. I'm not even kidding. I get chills thinking about how scared I was of him. It ended up him charming me back into being "friends" or whatever. But we can't just be friends. I realized that its not even him. It's me. Every time I'm near him, I just want to kiss him. Like last time I saw him last summer. i went to his house with him and he was actually respectible and told me I could wait for him to shower and stuff in the living room downstairs. But no, I was the one who decided to go upstairs with him and then proceed to lay all over his bed. Come on. That was totally my fault no matter what I want to believe. I completely initiated it. I can't let that shit keep happening though. I'm not either. I'm starting over. Next month, it will have been 3 years since we broke up! It's BEYOND time to start breaking away. He's not good for me. But I love him. And always will. But I'm serious about it this time. I just hope he doesnt find me.
Ok, as for some different news, this girl down the hall is still driving me fucking insane. she still invites herself places and still asks annoying questions all the time. my poor roommate had to drive her to walmart the other day after she completely "invited" lauren to take her.
valentines day can kiss my ass.
i have no fucking clue what i want to do with my life right now. it's so frustrating.
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(Anonymous)
2005-02-20 01:25
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hello agian young lady it is me Ed agian i have to say most interesting. i understand how love works hun. love sucks the life out of you when its not there. but when it is there is nothing that is not possible. the air is cleaner, the birds are more graceful, and regardless if you want to admit it or not life is more enjoyable. without love it all SUCKS. if you ever run into your ex agian just put him on auto-ignore. do that to my exwife all the time. it gets kinda fun after a few times hehe. but hey listen, i hope things work out for you and all. i hope that school doesnt become to much of a drag. it can be real busy and socially a drain but in the end its all worth it.
take care and be safe.
illistyn@hotmail.com dont think you will be reading this one either be safe(Reply to this) (Thread) |
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(Anonymous)
2005-02-20 01:32
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oh and btw BOWIE rocks. ever see the movie Labyrinth come on the guy can actually act.
not that you will read this but be safe
sometimes life works out when we least expect or want it to.
its not what other folks want its what you want for yourself thats important. stand up for your beliefs wants and desires
illistyn(Reply to this) (Thread) |
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