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*ForD*FocuS*CrazI* (sxibaseballgal) wrote,
@ 2004-10-30 00:48:00
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    Current mood: lonely
    Current music:"I wanna know"- Joe

    Ever feel like the whole world is out to get you?
    Its been awhile n a lot has happened.......... A LOT... well i went to homecoming on the was okay it was me nick sarah jason nicole dannyand kayleigh dinner was hilarious ........saw a few i didnt think i would see at a gross homeecoming but they were there (i wasnt overjoyed about that)

    most everything i have done lately had something to do with school for once i just want to do something that doesnt belong to school i want it to be all me nothing else but me and what i want to do and with who ever i want to do it with

    went shopping at some point between today and the last time i updated.... i got some new shirts and a new phone.... i FINALLY have a cell phone thank GOD

    next week i think or two weeks from now i finnaly have some days off school... i need it i need sleep... at least on sunday i can set me clock back.....MORE SLEEP FOR ONE NIGHT...YAAAAAAAAY you have no idea how much i need that sleep... for some reason i cant sleep sodly anymore maybe i am way to stressed... who knows but that could be why....i dont like living at my house

    went to a bryan game on the...hmmmm....i think the like the 16th or the 22nd or something i dont really remember...... ------ALSO saw my first real fight the other morning JOY at mercy no one really ever fist fought but at bryan ppl dont really care i guess...who knows but i dont think its worth getting kicked out b/c of a stupid fight that had really no point to begin with.........EH who knows

    i was going to try out for the basketball team, considering 3 senoirs came up to me n told mei should, but i decided not to... to much time away from the things and people i love and i dont feel like giving up that much of my social life i go to games to socialize and playing would take those nights away... so i dont think i will try out

    i really miss all my friends at mercy.... i went to the mercy dance after the game didnt have much fun but i enjoyed seeing some of my old friends again..... i miss the fun i had at mercy just jackin around and not caring who saw..... wow the memories are great i still remember when me cook jason n mike went to lazer storm....GrEAT FuN!!!! i wish i could go back n just feel okay to be the real and never afraid "me"

    well tonite SUCKED ASS! school was great i had fun being "adam" with long hair n boobs (most of you wont understand) we made fishies in english and started our childrens books: they are gonna be so cute!!!! Then i had math:ZZZZZzzzzz i could sleep through that class n pass... PE was okay today except the last 20 minutes...thats when things turned to hell.... ashley i gets on my fucking nerves my last one too she just all around pisses me off everything aobut her pisses me off!!! so i got outta gym n then had CAD and computer froze so i sat there the whole class and stared at the wall (well Denton did come over and talk to me we he got done with his drawing since his computer worked) BORING ------so after school i went home grabbed my crap n left... went with nick n he helped me on math then we played some airplane playstation game it was cool though then we watched a league of their own (thats one of the reasons i love him: he will just sit down n watch a chick flick with me if i'm having a bad day n he doesnt care...but i guess thats what the bestest friend in the whole widest world is for) so then we went n ate at runza Nick c was working the drive thru so it was cool i guess... then we went to a movie... we saw Sharktale because its really all we had time for it was cute though saw about a bizziliion ppl from bryan there but there wasnt a football game so that explains all that... then the night all went to hell.... i feel like i cant do it rite i cant do anything rite i feel like i need to be better like i need to be someone else and change who i am ::sighs and fights back the tears::

    ******Theres that person that you want to be thier everything...everything they need, everything they want, and you would do ANYTHING in the world to make them happy and would give up ANYTHING for them....but then you realize you cant do that and it crushes you and you feel alone and just want to burst into to tears but cant because they are there and you know that would make them feel terrible so u dont but then you walk through the door and you cant seem to help it -you have to cry...........
    ~>i need someone to talk to
    i wish for that even just one day things would go right for me and i could make people happy<~

    ~ ~, ~ ~,
    > LotZ OF LovE >
    ^ ^

    "Cold"- Crossfade

    Looking back at me I see
    That I never really got it right
    I never stopped to think of you
    I'm always wrapped up in
    Things I cannnot win
    You are the antidote that gets me by
    Something strong
    Like a drug that gets me high

    What I really meant to say
    Is I'm sorry for the way I am
    I never meant to be so cold to you

    And I'm sorry about all the lies
    Maybe in a different light
    You could see me stand on my own again
    Cause now i can see
    You were the antidote that got me by
    Something strong like a drug that got me high
    I never meant to be so cold

    I never really wanted you to see
    The screwed up side of me that I keep
    Locked inside of me so deep
    It always seems to get to me
    I never really wanted you to go
    So many things you should have known
    I guess for me theres just no hope
    I never meant to be so cold

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