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lioness (sunnylioness) wrote,
@ 2003-04-02 16:35:00
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    Current mood: groggy
    Current music:none right now- it's pretty quiet in the cube farm

    nap time... zzzzzz.....
    At work... it's been pretty quiet around here so far today. I'm just not inspired right now so I'm going to look nice and busy typing here for a few minutes. The alt_flyers have been pretty quiet today to, so I haven't had as many distractions to check my email as usual.

    I think I'm going to make a serious attempt to get the house in passable condition over the next week. It's not quite manic crisis cleaning, but it's not baby steps either. If I can get a solid 1 1/2 or 2 hours in each of the next 3 or 4 nights, and then 30-45 minutes daily after that, the place might not be a pit like it is now. I want to be able to invite people over to my house!!! Errrg...

    Anyway, today is mellow. I'm tired. Nothing like I'll be tomorrow, I imagine. I'm doing the early shift tomorrow to help cover a vacation here. See if I can remember how the hell to wake up at 5:30 AM. It'll be kinda nice though to have the afternoon off. Maybe instead of playing, I'll power through a couple of rooms at home.

    Bought the kids' airline tix this week so they can fly back to see the grand-folks. Their dad is being a weenie again though. I guess the state is after him about the lack of child support checks in the last couple of months. So he's back on a "why me" trip. Of course it's my fault because I moved them 1800 miles away and he can't ever see them. Not like I haven't offered many times to work out seeing them. Oh well, only so much a girl can do. If he ever gets off his pity trip, they'll appreciate seeing him. In the meantime, I'll just keep explaining to the kids that he'd sure like to see them but can't get off of school/work/travel to do it. whatever.

    I still haven't decided if I'm going to start a huge rant in a futile attempt to purge my demons. I've been dwelling on OLD bullshit again the last few weeks. Probably stemming, in part, from watching the girls grow up. Not going to be too long before they hit the age where I started getting really screwed up. And they're already both on the path to some sort of neurosis. Nothing severe, I don't think, just enough to make life a little tougher for them. I try really hard not to foist my own insanity upon them, but I think enough of it already has affected them, plus their own budding chemical imbalances. Just need to try to keep loving them and push them a little harder to find their place in life.

    Well, either I'll start Chapter 1 of the auto-biographical ranting here or in a new profile soon. It'll either be cathartic, it'll get me a movie-of-the-week deal, or I'll just feel the same way I do now-- dwelling on old shit that I can't (and shouldn't try to) do anything about. But, it's who I am. Whoever the hell that is.

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