|Current mood:|| morose|
I don't know what's happening
I'd like to put down a few thoughts I've been having, and god help me if the students read more into this than is there, but here I bare my soul (or at least a little part of my mind) to their adolescence-honed eyes.
I am confused and distraught. Yes, I know it may be hard for some of you to believe, but I have emotions. And they are tangled, now, and twisted inside me. Lucius has been ignoring me for days, yet tonight he stopped by my quarters and--well, suffice to say, he is talking absolute nonsense, as if he were my bosom buddy once again.
I don't know what to do. I am so uncustomarily flustered by the way he has treated me. Is he my enemy, or my friend? Does he despise me or like me? We have been comrades since we were children, even during the hardest days of the war this generation past. But now I do not know what to do. I do not know if he is truly on my side.
I do not know anything, any more, it would seem.
Tonight was supposed to be a fun night. Lockhart showed up at the Three Broomsticks. I had great entertainment in spiking his drink with a little friendly prank. It reminded me of Lucius, and the tricks we used to pull so long ago. (Yes, you hooligans, I too once knew the value of a practical joke.)
Yet then he appeared, and he was his regular cold, unfeeling self. And the Gryffindors were laughing cruelly about me--again--until I could stand it no longer and I returned miserably to my rooms. Lucius followed me, and then he was friendly again. How can a man be so diametrically opposite?
I want to be his comrade. Yet I think I cannot trust him. I do not know what to do.
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|Why on earth? |
Lupin, why on earth would I come to -you- with my problems? You are nothing but a pest most of the time, and you constantly respond with some lame, bleeding-heart explanation of how life is unfair but you must roll with the hits... or some such sentimental nonsense. Goodness!|
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