im a little tired
i just came back from the gym and a little winded. Im getting to be in great shape though..its showing.
Im starting to think i am not the marrying kind. Do I really have to? Will there be no substance in my life if i decide not to? I don't think i'll ever be in love again. I hope to be wrong though. Because if i do fall in love someday, it will mean that the woman was someone who was way better than any of my expectations, and felt right to me, despite all the experiences i've had. I mean the more you have, the more you really understand what it is you don't want. And I really understand what i don't want.
Today at the gym, while i did the 20 tedious minutes of incline walking at the steepest level that fucking treadmill allows, the time went by quickly. I was thinking about my brother. How he played so well in his last game, he had 10 points, 8 boards, and 3 blocks. I have a photgraphic memory when it comes to basketball, the style of a player, and obviously for my brother i have a statsheet embedded in memory. He's getting much better...He was actually the MVP in that game, and i knew he could be. And so when i build my gym, he'll be good enough to play me and give me competition. After all, he is learning from the best lol. And also thoughts keep crossing my mind that i can invite some kids to play in my gym who don't have as many opportunities and really have love for the game, like i always did. But then i had other thoughts, like, what if i trusted them to play there, and they stole from me, or did wrotten things...Then i'd have this bad taste in my mouth. I'd also probably have to have to probably make them sign some consent form so if any injuries occured, it would be out of my hands...Maybe i'd make them take a psychological test profile, and if they passed it, they can play. And if they didn't, tough luck. I could hire some master sport psycholgist with great credentials to write it up for me...Like the kind NBA scouts have when they are scouting potential talent in the draft. Ha! wouldn't that be funny... I bet it would be so great though..And i can watch these youngsters play the way the game should be played...Nothing but for the love...They come in rain, they come in darkness, they come after they do their schoolwork - just thought id add that in.
one day..one day...
it's good to have dreams
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