|Current mood:|| depressed|
I think my IQ's gone down...I feel somewhat stupid.
This is the post I put in my DeadJournal...
Okay, I've calmed down a little now. It's just my mom and me here right now (Yea, my sister went to some Y9 dance, and made mom buy her new clothes for it. Yep. Right about now she's probably with some guy with his sleezy hads all over her. Actually, no, that'd be wrong, cuz that slut won't let anyone under the age of fifteen touch her >.> Skanky lil' hoe.) so it's pretty cool, just being me and my mom and all. It's fun. Not so tense, and I'm actually somewhat relaxed O.o; which I haven't been since about a month ago. It's weird.
People are being so immature at school. It's suprising how many people self-harm. Because of Telina's little "Ordeal" there has been alot more talk about that sort of thing... There's quite a few in-girls (borders) who are like that, I discovered recently. And a few out-girls/day-girls too. And it's suprising that some people take it pretty well. I mean, you get people who laugh and mock and tease about it, like it's some big lame joke; then theres the worried/concerned people, who act all nice about it and go on and on about "how great you are" and etc etc etc, while treating you like glass/like you could break at any moment and pull out a blade and start slicing yourself (?!); and you also get the ones who are pretty casual about it. E.G. Krystal (Beca's friend) who was asking us about it in Art today, she insisted on seeing Beca's arms (Which aren't scarred much) and we managed to avoid her asking to see mine (Which wouldn't have been pretty because my arms and thighs are REALLY messed up right now).
But it is really strange how it's become so normal to us.
Anyway, as I said, people at school are being immature. Ever since friday alot of people have been focussed on "Suicide and Self-harm". There's even been the EXTREMELY immature people who've starting cutting just because other people are, and even a suicide note, which was written by someone (We haven't found out who the culprit is but the whole school knows about it already) and that someone signed someone elses name. It's so stupid, really. Which is annoying me, because theres all these people doing what we do, and just because they want the attention from it. Sickening. Eurgh.
I don't really have much else to say? I'm sick of having these suicidal tendancies though. There are times that I detest suicide and think it's stupid, and then a few hours later I'll be "off in my world" (Usually talking to Paramie - She's a very good person to talk to), and feeling like I honestly want to be dead. Grargh. It's aggrivating.
We were talking about God today, in our little group. Most of us are either christian or athiest. And the only ones who are athiest are the ones whose parents were never into the religion thing (like my parents) or who were born into a religion and had the guts to decide they didn't like it. It's suprising how many theories about God and death some people have. Yep, that's our little morbid group. All we chat about it Death and destruction *LMFAO*. Ya know what? Someday we should all come to school in black clothes, with pale make-up and black lipstick. It'd be fun to draw some attention to ourselves like that. Could call ourselfs "Hellkats" or "Satan's Angels" (Yea, I've done it before lol). It really is fun.
I'm done now. Ciao!
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Dear Makoto, just when I think there's no one left out there that cares about me, you come and somewhat prove me wrong. Because of your act of kindness in one of my dark moments, I'll allow you to have "access" to my "dark" journal. It's this one dark_december, and I please ask that you not tell anyone else that this is my journal, because it's only for a select few that I trust and want to see my entries. And so, you're one of them. So I have already added you as my friend. If you wish to do the same, you may. Take care of yourself dear, and thank you for the long comment in my journal, it really did mean a lot to me. Once again, take care dear.|
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