| Current mood: |  distressed |
*She laid down on the hotel room bed, logging onto to the Blurty client as she pulled up the strap of her shirt that had fallen off from her right shoulder. She tucked a strand of her black hair behind her ear as she let out a soft sigh and placed her fingers upon the keys of the laptop; started to type.*
I’ve been staring at the phone all night. I’ve been wanting to call Jayce, But I can’t. Every since everything that has happened within the last few weeks and all the hate directed towards me, I’ve really depended on Jayce and his comfort. But with being on tour and all, I don’t have that. I know I can call, but I just never do. I always say to him that I “don’t want to be a bother” and he tells me that I’m not. Sometimes practically yells at me so I get it through my head.
I know I’m not a bother, I just keep looking for excuses because I’m scared. I feel so empty without his comfort. There’s no one here to sooth me back to sleep when I have a bad dream, hold me while I cry. I understand why he’s not here, it’s because he has to take care of the babies since I can’t be there. I just get scared to call him when I have a bad dream or something because I’m afraid he might think I’m weak, or needy, clingy, or just stupid.
*She signed as she rubbed her eyes lightly and yet out a yawn. She looked to her cell phone that was sitting on the night stand beside the bed, then focused her view back the screen of the laptop.*
But being afraid of calling him because I need comfort, is being stupid. Not the reason I want to call for, right? I don’t know why I’m afraid, Jayce and I have been a couple for almost a year now, yet I still can’t tell him everything. I hide from him. But I don’t think he can do the same either, he doesn’t talk much about how he feels. He’s more of a thinker, than a talker. He gets carried away in his thoughts just like I do, and like me, sometimes has trouble with expressing them. We both just hide from each other waiting to be cracked open.
*She clicked the ‘update journal’ button and logged off her laptop. She grabbed her cell phone from the nightstand and dailed the first few numbers but hung up and rest the phone beside her on the bed. She kept staring at the phone, trying to work up the courage to call Jayce, but just ended up falling asleep without touching the phone again.*
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