*|M|E|G|H|A|N|* (stanggrl4eva) wrote, @ 2003-08-17 23:48:00

Current mood:	crushed
Current music:	"Perfect" ~Simple Plan

I'm sorry I can't be perfect

...I just want a regular life.. ever since i got home tonight i've been crying.. i just want a regural fucking life... a mom, a dad, me, a dog.. idk.. just i wish my family was more conventional... i mean my family is an uncle who hates me.. locked me out of my house.. and if he could would kick me out forever.. a grandfather whose hitler.. but i feel he cares about me more then a lot of other people in my family... then my mom.. a mom whose never home.. and when she is she's getting drunk... My dad lives in louisianna.. and who might I add as lung cancer and might die soon... i love my father I really do... but when am I suppose to see him.. and does he ever call me? no.. i get maybe one call a year if i'm lucky.. What if he dies.. I'll never have any closer.. i'll never really be able to tell him bye


My life... is just one big thing of nothing.. of emtyness .. as you see my family life sux.. and my friends.. i feel like, if I died tomorrow.. they might be sad all of 5 minutes.. then they'd forget about me.. they'd go to my funeral out of respect... and while there be saying, "so what we gonna do tonight". I feel like they don't care about me at all. I mean I've been ditched for them to hang out with certain people.. or i've been just not invited somewhere.. it just sux.. i mean what if it was you it was happening to.. think about it.


My love life... SUX ...every guy I like.. likes one of my friends.. or more of my friends for that matter.. and it's just not kwl. That really hurts ya know? Like.. if they liked a complete stranger.. it's totally diff.. or if they liked someone.. that i know.. but i'm not really friends with.. but one of my best friends.. i swear that hurts so much.. and I can't do anything about it. And of course I never say anything about it.. i just let it go.. they say that they're sorry.. and i say it's no problem.. there's nothign I can do.. I never express my feelings.. i really have to work on that.. It was so much easier not liking anyone.. and I really thought I didn't ... but of course.. someone i use to like.. walks back into my life.. and what happens... damn... i hate it.. i don't want to like him.. I really don't.. but you can't help the feelings you get...

I'm sorry I can't be perfect

lunar 2003-08-18 00:18 (link)

i don't know you that well but i decided i needed to attempt to comment on this. i am sorry to hear about your family situation. but if you want to talk to your dad, maybe you could try calling him. i dont know that's the best suggestion that i can come up with there. i went through high school and come out of it with no friendships. okay, one. lisa. and that's been rough since the summer started. i have no one else to keep in touch with through college (unless you count all of my wonderful friends i've met through blurty or other places online). the majority of people in high school don't know what it's like to be a real friend. i'm sure i've been through a lot of similar experiences that you've gone through. and you know what, eventually you'll realize that they aren't worth the struggle. and someday you will meet friends that won't make you feel this way. everyone does. i've had one real boyfriend, and he was a player. i've liked a million and one more guys and nothing happened with any of them. trust me i know how you feel there too. you just gotta trust that eventually guys do mature and grow up and like people for who they are. i hope this helped, but i'm sure it didn't. just hang in there, that's all i can tell ya. listen to "hold on". because things will get better. they always do. (Reply to this) (Thread)

oxgravitygirlox 2003-08-18 05:38 (link)

wow... i thought i had it hard with getting a new stepdad and all but now i feel like i should stop worrying about that. it seems so little compared to your problems. idk if i should respond to your post cuz i just found your blurty from _motivate_this_'s blurty. why dont you call your dad? i feel like that sometimes. if i died what would my friends think? probably miss me for 5 min too and then theyd remmeber more important things.. no point to my post just adding you as a friend. if you want you can add me back or something. later? ps. really nice layout btw those are some of the coolest bands (Reply to this) (Thread)

rocknrolldrummr 2003-08-18 09:51 (link)

y don't u ak ur mom about ur dad? and if shes ddrunk like u say she sometimes is jus threaten her by telling her u will call thecops or something for abuse. ifur uncleloked u out, isnt it ur house he's living in? lock hi out of his room if u can or something. but dont even start about not being invited because i have experience ad like u told me dont let the little things get u down like not being invited. u just ant b afraid of ur family. if u really feel they do that stuff to u jus take a stand. if it gets worse u probaly could get them charged with something (Reply to this) (Thread)

(Reply from suspended user)

	john_knox_rox 2003-08-18 12:16 (link)
	Megh, Im really sorry about your dad, and your family situation. Im your friend and i care about you, so if you ever need to talk you know where I am. Feel better Megh. (Reply to this) (Thread)

(Reply from suspended user)

(Reply from suspended user)

swiftychic08 2003-08-19 17:26 (link)

I'm sorry I haven't been around Blurty much, I feel like I should have. ;\ I hope you're okay. Family issues are always hard to deal with. My parents continually fight and sometimes hit each other, and me being the only child kind of makes you feel like your helpless. No one's perfect. And I know at least someone loves you, maybe your family does love you and just has a hard time showing it. If you want to talk about whatever, I'm here for you. :) All my contacts are in my info. 1 <3 Jen (Reply to this) (Thread)

	bordumspazkid55 2003-08-26 13:33 (link)
	hey imma add you .. add me back? your layout is sexxi ::drools:: (Reply to this) (Thread)

	stanggrl4eva 2003-08-26 16:12 (link)
	thank-you.. of course i will :] (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

x_misslauqhter 2003-08-29 11:06 (link)

Hey my name is Jen and I'm a a friend of _ticklemepiink or steph. we go to the same school together. we're friends. I was reading this entry because i saw you comment in her journal and decided to check your journal out. What i found was deeply disturbing. I'm really sorry about your family life, but i know where you are coming from. A few years ago my family was.....broken. my dad's a drunk, and i can never trust him or rely on him. every so often he'll take me out somewhere and not call for 2 or 3 weeks. This is happening as i speak. A couple of weeks ago he took me out to philly and i haven't heard from him since. Not one phone call. Last week he called, totally drunk and called me by my full name.....he never does that. never. so you can imagine how shocked i was. he didn't even want to talk to me....just my mom. and he wanted her to call his work the next day for when he called out 'sick'. calling out sick for him means he's going to quit another job. he's never had a steady job for more than a month. when that happens, he holds on the rest of his money for as long as he can and then spends it on more beer, until he's down to his last few dollars and uses that money to beg for a job back. i'd rather not give you my entire personal life right here in a comment, so could you pretty please IM me? my sn is x pink x chica x or foreverdoc1303. IM me and we can talk read my journal if you'd like......www.caleida.com/users/xdancer later Jen (Reply to this) (Thread)

	angelic_scar 2003-08-30 00:41 (link)
	hey you wanted me to add you so im adding you. nice layout. i love billy too. i want him so bad. i cut my hair like him. haha! im such a dork...... (Reply to this) (Thread)

(Reply from suspended user)