| Current mood: |  discontent |
| Current music: | No Day But Today |
Hm
It was so great to see everyone last night. I was so excited for it, and then once we were all together it seemed like we'd never been away. But then when I really think about it, I realize that although it might seem like nothing has changed, that's not true. All of us are different in some way. Things will never be exactly the way they were before August 15, 2004. Same thing at home. And at Benet. Especially at Benet. It was great to see all the kids and teachers from last year (especially Mr. Noel and Mr. Stracco and Mrs. Brown), but it was weird to see everything different. Benny is now huge. The Madrigals are different. The sophomores are juniors. Mr. Hourigan has been replaced by a creepy man. The principal has JELLY BEANS on his desk. Jelly beans. I don't think Mr. Stark would do that. Change freaks me out. Sorry. I'll stop being a downer.
NOT. I love what a loser I am. I let something get to me when I know, I KNOW, that it shouldn't. But I can't help it. I can't escape the sinking feeling I get when I heard it. Or whenever I start thinking about it. Why am I such a goddamn idiot? Son of a whore. I need to move on, to get away from this, and I thought I had, but then of course it all comes back as soon as I get home. Ugh. I'm sorry. No one wants to hear this anymore.
My head hurts. And my tummy.
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