| Current mood: | peaceful & downcast |
| Current music: | murder by death, elliott, elliott smith |
I'm never gonna know you now, but I'm gonna love you anyhow
i've come to the conclusion that for all intensive purposes, (whatever that means) holidays suck. i know i'm going to take a lot of crap for saying that. but, let me go through the year. new years is always kind of depressing because of what it symbolizes: leaving behind stuff. valentines day is also usually depressing unless you ignore it, which is what i've chosen to do the last couple years. saint patrick's day isn't that great because i'm only pseudo-irish. april fools' day sucks because i'm kinda gullible. my birthday sucks because no one is ever around, and i'm too shy to ask people to hang out on my birthday, i rarely get nice surprises. i think last year's birthday takes the cake for the worst though. halloween isn't that great because all i can do is eat the candy i'm supposed to be giving out. thanksgiving has lots of great food, but then you stop and realize you're celebrating something that turned into betrayal, it's like celebrating a wedding anniversary after you've gotten a divorce. christmas is okay because it means lots of time off of school, but i don't even care about decorating things or even about opening things all that much. my favorite part of christmas is shopping for my family. so basically, i'm going to ignore all holidays when i get older, which will be okay because it's not like i'm going to have a family anyways. **end rant**
anyways, the last week or so...well i've just sort of existed. not particularly well. but i've made it. school is school, the grades are good but it's not like that matters much. my parents went apeshit on my brother after he got a C. i feel bad, because if it wasn't for me, they'd be okay with a C. but at the same time, my brother's idiotic friends are always dirtbagging around my house, calling at 10:30 PM and 8:30 AM. i don't think people beat their children enough, or teach them manners. or maybe both. although i wasn't beaten, and i don't generally call after 9ish. my parents have been on edge a little more than normal this week. i think my dad's getting sicker, he's freaking out about having to go on insulin. whenever someone in my house has a health problem, my parents fight. so that's just fun. my godmother moved out of her apartment this week, and she lived there for here entire life. if that makes me sad, then she's gotta have it a million times worse. there's nothing i can do or say...so i'll just let it go. it's weird though, because i can remember doing a million things in that apartment, i've probably spent just as much time there as i have at my own house. well, maybe not exactly, but besides my house, i've probably spent more time there than anywhere. i played wiffle ball in the backyard, played board games in the living room, ping pong in the basement, ran up and down the street thousands of times, walked to the corner store and dairy queen in the summer, thrown many temper tantrums, and it was just...well i guess i just have a deep connection to the place, and now i can't go back. i think maybe sometime over break i'm just going to wander over and sit in the backyard until someone yells at me or something. what else am i going to do over vacation? who knows? everything i want to do is condensed into two days, and i can't find anything else to do on the other seven. tuesday the 20th i'm supposed to take a day trip with my family, go to a concert and have a track meet. somehow, i don't see that working. alas...c'est la vie. (does that mean "that's life" or "that's the life", because i want to say "that's life")
this week is going to be incredibly busy. there's two concerts, of a certain band that i love. except...i'm not all that excited. i mean, i know it's gonna be fun...but whatever. summer's wasted, so this might as well be fucked too. 4 weeks of driver's ed, 2 weeks with the family...plus a job...i hope it only seems like a lot right now. well, whatever, just proves something i've already known: i'm in no rush to grow up.
does anyone else think that playing paintball in an abandoned building sounds like fun? i want to do something strange and memorable really badly.
i don't understand my motivations for doing certain activities. i don't even know whether it's better to feel good while doing them and then feel guilty about what you're missing, or to not do anything altogether. time is more valuable than just about anything else, and no one has any right now. well, maybe they do, but i'm just not seeing any come my way, and no one's using any on me. **shutting the hell up**
but despite this all, there are a few things i'm feeling pretty good about. but it's not that kind of pure good. it's a cautiously optimistic, or a slightly tainted joy. but all that caution is well-deserved, and i'm feeling the effect.
Elliott-Beijing (Too Many People)
If you look at it the right way. You're not twisted. You're holding. You try so hard to push it away It was always in the right place. Your shaded heart, cool and colored. Your image bleeds oceans Two arms grown close and pulled away. We will all bleed in the right shades of too many people Too many people, so many people in this world. Oil, canvas,color Paint me a picture tonight. You stand there I'm so afraid. You said you knew me And I know what goes on when you're away. It's the one place to lose me. In too many people Too many people, so many people in this world. Oil, canvas color. Paint me a picture tonight (Around running around).
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(Anonymous)
2004-04-12 06:23
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C'est la vie literally means that's the life, but people use it for that's life. I'm sorry you had a sucky easter, and I'm sorry I got you sick because of the anti-10-foot-rule. :0 I know I've not had enough time lately and I'm really sorry for that, and for our phone conversation yesterday. Try to feel better. xox, nell (Reply to this) (Thread) |
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(Anonymous)
2004-04-14 22:10
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c'est la vie means "such as this is life", which is so much more ironic and regretfull. (Reply to this) (Thread) |
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| wow gold
(Anonymous)
2008-04-15 21:50
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