| Current mood: | frustrated |
| Current music: | murder by death-like the exorcist, but more breakdancing |
only cynicism can get through to you.
once again, everything is such a jumble that there's nowhere to begin. and it never ends. i guess i could go in some sort of chronological order, but even time makes no sense. for some reason, nothing feels melodramatic tonight, i feel like all the drama is well-earned and i'm not wavering from the fact that i can't deal with some of these feelings for much longer. i'm not even saying deal well, i'm not doing well with them right now. i can't handle this. i got my grades for the quarter...i guess i care but i know that they are no motivation. i didn't even feel motivated to go to school this week, too many things were either actually absent, or felt absent. no cliche here, because all absence does is weaken and awaken. my dreams over the last few days have been so incredibly fucked up, it's like i either have attention deficit disorder in my dreams, or there's a missing link to this horror story i'll never solve. friday was latin day, and for a little while, it lifted my spirits. because i got to eat cake out of my hands, miss class, laugh at home-schooled kids and purple sequined togas. and the people i was with, well that was really cool for me, a whole new outlook i must say i enjoy. but there was something so terribly wrong, something that constantly drew my attention, something that i'm so afraid i will never fix that i won't. i can't even relate to myself right now because i've never fucking done this with anyone before, but it's happening and it's happened before to some extent but gets worse on each occasion. i want to be me again to this person. if i could do that, and they could seem like themself to me, then that problem would vanish. problems don't vanish though, just opportuinity. moving on. friday night was a great, great night, for about two hours i truly felt alive, and i didn't give a fuck about any problems that i'm having. that's what best friends can do for you. i'm so thankful i've got three. my allergies kicked in terribly that night after catching and harassing jared's cats, and that's okay. SoCo sing alongs would be better if i actually knew the words, but i think there's a lesson when a few out of key voices meld perfectly with an out of tune piano. things don't have to be perfect to be the right thing. fast forward. saturday morning. i'm operating on five hours of sleep. great, just enough to go running on. apparantly, i'm okay at running. except i don't know what i think of it. it's such a mindless activity chock full of monotony, i don't know why i choose to go to practice. all i know is that it makes me hurt, physically. but i guess one of the reasons i'm good at running is because i make myself be good at it. like, i won't let myself slow down. i think that's dangerously cool. i get home, and realize how insanely tired i am. in fact, the last two hours are the first time i haven't felt tired all day. i got rid of a bunch of old cd's, made 30 bucks, and then spent some on a sparta cd. because sparta's cool. i came home and tried to write an english paper, but realized that after all my preperations, i had left my book at school. that comes after me thinking i left my shoes at school friday, going in to look for them, only to have left them in jared's car. i'm so smart. so i had to go get a copy of macbeth so i could turn out a mediocre paper. i love school, oh wait, no i don't. i'm so frustrated with this getting a job business, it makes me hate my birthday even more than i do. and i'm freaking out, overanalyzing so many people, so many things, my head's caught in asking what if? instead of what now? tonight i took a walk around my neighborhood with nothing but sparta and artifical light. and there's a lot of articifical light in suburbia. that was my discovery. that, and it's funny how somewhere you spent a good part of six years of your life can seem so foreign. although right now, most things seem pretty foreign right now.
Armor for Sleep-Dream to Make Believe
It's funny how,
things work out
the ones we need
don't know we're there
if I were sand
and you were oceans
the moon would be
why you're pulled to me
I wake up and think dreams are real
I sleep so I don't have to feel
the truth that you can never be
the one person that won't ever forget me
I hope that dreams
come when I die
so we can talk
I won't wake up
I'll ask you how
your life worked out
I'll never know
that I'm just dreaming
I wake up and think dreams are real
I sleep so I don't have to feel
the truth that you can never be
the one person that won't ever forget me
Let me sleep some more...
i started singing that song tonight when i thought about how i felt, so i thought i'd post the lyrics. but whatever. i need some reassurance, and some truth. i shouldn't have to ask for either though...
..ithinkitstimeforachange..
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 | wow gold
(Anonymous)
2008-04-15 21:51
(link) |
There are some people who have no time to "farm" or earn in-game money to play an online videogame, so they opt to buy in-game money to spend in online games.Then have a new business disapear,we often call it RMT(Real Money Trade).Which has some kinds of ways to buy gold As you could buy them from ebay once,and you can buy them from some online gold stores.
funingame is an exchange site which designed specifically for game virtual currencies & items trading,it is your another choice.you can buy
Wow Gold,
Guild Wars Gold,
Maple story mesos,
eve isk,
runescape gold there.
What's more,funingame has other game sites, sell lotro gold,RF Online currency,
World Of Warcraft Gold ,
runescape money.
.And have Tales of pirates forum,
top players can discuss there.Meanwhile you can sell your gold to
us
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