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katy (slicendice) wrote,
@ 2003-02-24 22:47:00
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    Current mood: contemplative

    beautiful and new things i'm learning about you?
    i really hate it when you shave your legs then get out of the shower, into the cold and immediately....goosebumps....stupidthings. who invented those things anyway? i'm going to find them and burn them alive. or dead. *haha* and kir says she's worried about me. i can't decide if i'm worried too. things were better today, i was actually kind of hyper and loud. but its getting hard for me to distinguish when i'm faking and when i'm not, i haven't really noticed since the jazz thing on friday. speaking of which,

    the lakeland concert. *hah* that was fun huh. playing is almost the same as talking for me. that=bad. so i just tuck all that away during performances, and then i get all crappy afterwards. really bad. we were still on stage and the headache hit, and i wouldn't talk for a long time. i wasn't really sure what was going on, i just followed everyone off the stage, and to the clinic. so then when we were going to dinner, farin *ignore the names* threw a snowball at danny *danny was wearing his suit..bad idea* and he went running after him to kick his butt. and i think it was shawn, i can't really remember, said that one of them was going down *it was snowy and kind of icy* and bust a knee cap. i actually started to laugh, but immediately started to cry. i don't know why, don't ask. but then i started to walk to the other side of the clock tower that was there in the middle of the sidewalk, and it kept turning and turning. i couldn't get to the other side. and that creeps me out. it was actually moving. *heh* and now i'm hallucinating on top of things. *poo-eating grin* after i finally got to the other side, danny finally figured out where i was, i wiped my eyes, and we started to walk to the car, where i tried to make danny feel better *it really wipes him out trying to be all happy all the time* and things just went on as nothing happened. *btw my butt cheek feels like it is totally on ice* weird.

    the whole point of the story: why does laughing make me want to cry? i feel like i'm not worthy to laugh, or i shouldn't. i don't know why. something with i've been depressed for so long, i shouldn't find joy in things? maybe, maybe not. i guess i need danny's expertice on this one. of course i just have to tell him first.

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2003-02-25 18:04 (link)
... i feel the same way alot. The whole "do i deserve to be happy" thing.. damned depression! lets burn it.. mwahahahaha!!
rock on!

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