dysfunctional messiah, gutter whore. the difference is ... ?
am i living anymore? a dream, an existence that seems to float on by. feelings that some one else is in charge, that some one's just controlling me. a feeling that maybe i'm just not real anymore, and it humbles me, almost to the point of crying out what the hell is it all for. pinned down, erased from memory, trying to curb my doubts into facts, but the subconscious is a tricky thing, and i think it's just ...
spent the night with the usual. it's where i live now, so it's to be expected. it's strange, how one person can make your world seem so small, and so warm. but ... i dunno. is it what i want? some one told me, that ... what we need is often mistaken for what we want, and what we want is often mistaken for what we need. some one else told me that we place ourselves with some one that we think we need because we want to need them, but we often want the one's that we don't need. i think i knew what this feeling was, once before. maybe. i'm not sure. it was darker, though. much more clear and ... in a way, surpassing mortal emotions. it was ... a bond ... found in mind, body and soul. but that was ... a long time ago, and ... i'm pretty sure that person doesn't exist anymore, in me.
i hate thinking, sometimes. it's ... at its best, an idle past time that just ... completely erases all reality and pushes you away into further turmoil with yourself.
but hey. who the fuck cares, right?
.: e z e k i e l
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