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ShiannE (shigal) wrote,
@ 2004-04-28 21:55:00
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    LA was allright. A nice lil party if I do say so. I'll put pics up like tomorrow.

    I have tons on my mind right now...well mainly just a few things that I keep flashing over & over.

    Why do I always go for guys that seem shy and secretive? Those that need me to open them up to discover how wonderful they are? They usually become dependent. [which isnt good]
    I mean look at my EX Ryan.. even today we talked on the phone about how we know we're not good for one another and yet we're lonely. It's weird. I'm glad that we talked though because it was a good reality check and it had to be said. The whole convo was basically that we need to really let it all go because it's such history.. and that felt good to say. He asid I was being a little harsh.. but I mean.. it's been awhile now and I did feel bad.. but running in circles isn't healthy for anyone.

    I've been in a relationship for 3 yrs now and Im glad to be alone (for the time being).. I guess Im just more relieved than anything to get away from the routenized [sp?] relationship I was in. Dont get me wrong, Ryan is a great person and an even better bf - but there was something huge missing on both ends and it wasn't fun trying to mold each other into things we're not.

    I hope I gather more confidence for myself soon. I think I'll need it... there's so much I want to say right now but truthfully I fear that my EX will come by and [stillllllllllllll] read my journal and then call me and say all kinds of crap that is irregardless because I AM SINGLE & I HAVE BEEN FOR A MONTH. But yeah..

    Let's just say that Im pretty emotional these days... and secretive about them out of fear of being hurt or reprimanded. But recently that gutsy little girl inside came out and said things that needed to be said to keep me sane. .... Why do crushes hurt again? Because Im feeling wonderful regardless of this unknown outcome.

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2004-04-29 01:51 (link)
I wish you didn't feel the need to censor yourself in your journal. Maybe you should move, or make entries friends only, or something. This is your space, write what you want.

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2004-04-29 13:10 (link)
I know hun I so wish I could - but it's too late now - my ex called me this morning to inform me that he talked to his friend and assured me his friend doesnt like me back =(

and now im really really sad... ;(

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