ShiannE (shigal) wrote, @ 2004-01-16 21:05:00

What a day it was.. one of the most important in a long time. Probably one of those benches that mark certain things through out our lives.

Ry came over today.. and it was great because we talked....
We're seperated now. Nearly 4 years and its all done. Who knows though..
But had the most adult conversation ever. No curse words. No hysterical crying. Just sniffles, brutal honesty.. and truth. We both are very mature, and very immature.. and we're not working because I cant treat him wonderfully, when Im not happy within myself. And he has been a dream - trying to help me in ANY way possible.. but its something we realize I need to do on my own.

I will never ever have anything bad to say [during our relationship] about him. Hes a good person and any girl would be so lucky [damn lucky] to be with him.

What about me? Right now Im not able to smile - and Im [surprisingly] not crying myself to sleep or anything. Im not numb either.. because I am receptive to things around me. *sigh*

In Ryan's words, its: "sad that we ended without even being happy."

Like - getting the REAL chance you know? Im sure you'll all end up reading about my shattered life later...

	pictureyellow 2004-01-17 16:19 (link)
	i'm sorry it had to end, but it seemed like that's what you had wanted for a while now. now maybe you will have find time to find yourself while making yourself better at school. i wish you all the luck in the world. (Reply to this) (Thread)

	shigal 2004-01-17 17:57 (link)
	You're exactly right. Thank you so much :) (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

nogonzo 2004-01-18 03:35 (link)

Hey Kiddo, I hope your day went well today. I could tell last night that you missed Him. I just didn't want to bring the whole thing up in case you were trying to get away from it all. Now, looking back, I think that maybe I should have said something about it All, because it seemed like you wanted to talk about it. And that was my bad for avoiding it. I also know that you are strong enough to tackle this on your own, and I think that if you really wanted to talk seriously about it (in the perspective of last night) you would have brought it up. Still, looking back, I think I could have said something more. No matter what comes of it all, though, I honestly think you will come out of this stronger (as will he) and I think you (and him) will be better people because of the experience you had together. (Reply to this) (Thread)

	Re: shigal 2004-01-18 12:59 (link)
	Whoa - you're pretty good at reading ppl arent you? DOnt apologise for not bringing it up - I am still unsure about whether I should talk about it all the time or not ya know? (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	nogonzo 2004-01-19 00:00 (link)
	To be perfectly honest with you, I don't know if I'm a good at Reading People or not. Sometimes I will be pretty perceptive and be able to pick up on what is underneath the surface. And other times the most obvious things will sail over my head. Does this make sense? Probably not. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

xlostromanticsx 2004-01-18 16:27 (link)

Shi i am soooooooo sorry, so very sorry! I know you loved him. But so far, it seems like you are strong, and i know you will stay strong!!! I believe that things happen for a reason, and i think that this experience with Ryan was to make you stronger and a better person than you already are, and to prepare you for future relationships. Everything will work out for you. If you ever need a shoulder to cry on... you know where i am :) (Reply to this) (Thread)

	shigal 2004-01-18 18:50 (link)
	Thank you - that means alot =) Maybe I'll take up that offer later on - Im pretty bummed right now. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)