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..../[j][e][n] <--- (xcurliqtyx) wrote in shatteredstars,
@ 2003-08-10 13:55:00
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    Current mood: confused

    my brightest star. . .shattered. . .
    wut do u do when a few months ago there was a guy who would have done anything for u to be his and finally, he succeeded. u knew how much he loved u and u knew how beautiful he thought u were. his feelings for u were so unbelievably strong and nothing in the world could change that, or so u thought. every time u were together ur feelings just grew stronger and stronger for one another and u had the time of ur lives just doing nothing together. u could tell eachother anything, u could be urself, u could wear ur crappiest clothes, u could leave the house without makeup. u could spend hours laughing together on the phone discussing wutever. u cant live without this person, u cant make it thru a day without hearing their voice, or hearing them call out ur name. this is the one person in the world who can make u smile when u feel like dieing, this is the one person in the world who can make u smile when all u do is sit and cry, this is the one person who can truly make u happy. they start to see that u are unhappy sometimes and they worry and u talk with them about it. they tell u that they are there for u and that they want to help u. one day, u wake up, go through ur day like everything is ok, and u get a call. the one person who can make u laugh, smile, and be happy wants a break. u think to urself how much they promised they wouldnt hurt u and how much they promised they wouldnt let u slip away, and u just dont understand. u dont accept the fact that they need a break and that they are going to ask u back out in a few weeks when things settle down. u bug them about it and u let it tear u apart. u start to think that they dont like u, and then ur ex, who cheated on u once before, comes along and tells u they like u and u kind of start going out... thinking nothing with the only one who can make u happy will ever work out becuse of the way they are acting. they call u on the phone and in a jealous tone say, "have fun!" u think ur ex can help u get over the one who makes u happy, and days go by, as u avoid ur ex because u dont want to be with him and u know that is not wut u want. u know u want the one who makes u smile, the one who u wake up every morning for, the one u go to school for when u are tired as hell. u realize that u have to end things with ur ex once and for all because u know there are no mutual feelings in that relationship, and there have been no feelings for the ex for three and a half months. the whole six days u are "with" ur ex, are the days that u tried to figure out how to end it, the days u figured out how to avoid talking to them as much as possible, the days u never saw them because u didnt want it to work out from the beginning. u do end it and the one who makes u happy talks to u on the internet. u tell him its over with ur ex because he wasnt the one u wanted. the one who makes u happy tells u that going out with the ex who cheated on u makes it look like u dont like urself. u think to urself how right they are. u think how u want to go back to ur old happy, independent self and u spill ur feelings to the one who makes u happy. they tell ur friend they dont really like u anymore but they call u a day or two later and joke with u as if u are still together. then they talk to u online several separate times in one night, joking around again. and u wonder, how do they not like me? u realize how much u regret EVER EVER giving ur ex another chance and how bad it made u look. u wish u could turn back time to that first phone call discussing the break. u realize how much u should have just fuckin accepted it because a few weeks later u would have had ur man back. but u fucked up, u apologize, and u dont know wut goes through the mind of the one who makes u happy. they leave for vacation for about a week, which is something good. his friend was supposed to go but messed up and couldnt, and that makes u even happier. u think, while the one who makes u happy is away, hopefully he will think about me, he will realize wut he wants, and that will be me. u have a dream that they call u while they are away, and they apologize to u for wut they did, u try to respond to them but the words u so desperately need to speak, wont come out and u wake up. and one night ur cell phone rings and u dont recognize the number so u dont answer. seconds go by after they hang up as u examine the number. looks familiar, doesnt it? it looks just like the cell phone number of the parents of the one who makes u happy. u think, if they dont like me, why the hell would they call me while they are on vacation? a few days go by and they sign online and dont talk to u. u dont talk to them unless they talk to u first. thats just the way it is. u get that nervous feeling in ur stomach, ur heart beats uncontrollably, and wut do u do? wut can u do? can u make this person realize that they still do like u? how do they feel about u? u have all these questions running through ur head, but u know that u shouldnt talk to them unless they talk to u first. u should kind of distance urself and maybe play a little bit of hard to get. u pretend like u dont care, u get a little happier each day, until the day they come home and dont talk to u online. u think that if u show him wut hes missing, if u show him the person u really are, he will realize he is still madly in love with u. i dont know... is this love? its so true that u never realize wut u have until its gone. but when its gone, is that when u realize that its not true love? are u supposed to sit and wait around, just in case? wut if the one who makes u happy comes around one day and realizes that he does want u... if u lose something and it comes back, does that mean that its meant to be? wut if they dont come back, but u know its meant to be? wut do u do. . .?

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2004-01-06 12:45 (link)
wow! i no how u feel...its like u took the word right out of my mouth.....if u want to talk u can see my blurty and

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