|Current mood:|| confused|
hey. i just joined this community. i like the fact that shattered stars is very poetic and fits the purpose for this community very well. i just wanted to say why my life is fucked up and if any of you are interested you're welcome to read my thoughts. my name is allison and im 15 years old. i suffer from depression on and off..but when i do get depressed i usually can't get out of that emotion very easily. the reason for my depression mostly is b/c my parents are getting divorced. i really don't know what to do and both of my parents are being assholes about it. another reason for my depression is the fact that my grandma, whom i loved so very much, died in march and it has been hitting me really hard lately. i usually write poetry and listen to a lot of music to get me out of my moods..and it helps a little. i usually have no one to talk to because basically all of my good friends are away and all my other friends changed. i don't know who i am really. i do not want to be a preppy girl with the same clothes as everyone else or w/e. i've been labled a prep by one of my friends, but that is not who i am. i used to be different and then when things got screwed i started to try and be one of the jocks/preps or w/e. i am definitely not one of them. i want to be an individual..and b/c my friend labels my like that and says she didn't like the person i turned into i realized that i don't want to be that either. needless to say i'm not friends with her anymore. i get so scared sometimes b/c i feel like there is no hope for me. i really don't want to get married b/c of the divorce factor. i don't want to have kids b/c i feel like i wouldn't be a good example and i can't put them through shit like i've gone through. i don't know anymore..maybe someone can relate. i just don't want to be so alone.
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You sound exactly like me. My parents are divorced and have been for almost two years now and because of that Im afraid of marriage and commitment. I have a boyfriend right now and I love him with all my heart but Im still so afraid to hurt him and leave him like my mom did to my dad. People say Im a lot like my mom and that scares me because I dont want to make the mistakes she has. Shes even pregnant with her boyfriend who is my best friends dad (long story) My boyfriend, Davie, is so perfect to me. I couldnt imagine being with anyone else and he doesnt deserve to be hurt. I agree with no wanting kids, like, I want kids when I get older but I dont want them to go throu what I have. I have also had problems with friends. Ive been labeled before but Ive learned to just say "screw labels" Who needs them? Ive never been labeled a prep before but I have been called a goth and a punk bitch but honestly, Im neither. I dont stick to one genre of music like that. Just be you, if someone doesnt like the way you are then fuck them, who needs them. Act the way you want, dress the way you want, listen to the music you want, just be you and never give up on yourself. I suffer from depression on and off as well. Just dont give up. I know how you feel so if you need someone to talk to, Im here. Oh and welcome to the community, Im new too :)|
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